Interesting article, FLTC. I've heard my share of horror stories and not just from the male side! The article fits well with Michelle's theories as well, guys think that when the R talk stops it means the W is finally content. I know I thought that when she stopped bitching at me it meant she'd finally decided to accept that life (and me) is not perfect. WRONG! She'd found someone else, a female, who made it her life's purpose to listen to and please my W, she even said "this R is all about you!" I figure one day that b!tch will get what's coming to her but it won't be from me. Now, did I do everything right? Did Paul in the article do everything right? Have you done everything right FLTC? I'd dare to say NO. Obviously needs our W's had were not being fulfilled by us. Maybe I was too busy serving and protecting her from the stresses of everyday living, trying my best to be what I percieved as a loving caring H. She thought otherwise. I think it's dangerous for us to sit back and say we did everything "right" because no learning can take place if we take this tact, just repeating more of the same elsewhere! Hell, maybe the next woman would love it, who really knows. Did I do lots of things that were right? YES, plenty of them. But, when a R breaks down it's not just one individual who is at fault, the dynamic between the couple has broken down. Now, my W IS totally responsible for her actions in starting an A, I am not. She will have to live with the lies she told herself about "doing everything possible to save the M" cuz she didn't and I listed all the things she could have done but never did. In hindsight, I also should have been much more forceful in evaluating and opposing some of the career choices she made e.g. going back to school for a Graduate degree while holding onto a f/t stressful managerial position while she was also in the midst of a full blown depression. Instead, I just said "whatever makes you happy, baby" and then worked my ass off to help her through. I let her put my needs aside almost entirely and become a self centred, uncaring b!tch by excusing her behaviour as "she's under so much stress". I allowed her to put her needs continually in front of mine with barely a whimper of concern. I was the H the world loved, but she didn't. Did she lose respect for someone who would allow such behaviour? Who knows, but I do know the person she is with now makes me look like a rank amateur! So did I do everything right? Not a chance, I helped make the bed I am lying in, just as we all have.
