NIKKINY, My heart really goes out to you! First of all what a horrible thing your H went through! I think a lot of people changed their ways and their way of thinking on that day. Now,as for the A. My H had a brief A with a woman he met out of town when he was on a golf trip. We had been married 32 years at the time! That was the one thing I had thought he could never do to me. But like you,I loved my H so very much and had loved and trusted him for too many years to just throw it away. The PA had only been going on for 4 months when I found out and confronted him. He immediately broke off the A and actually called the OW with me on the extension to tell her that he had never stopped loving me and still loved me and was going to work on our relationship. He did however,communicate with her for a few more months until I called him on that too and it stopped immediately and I have no reason to think he has been in touch with her since (that was 10 months ago and the A ended over a year ago). How did we fix things? How did we "fall in love all over again"? Those are hard to answer. With us,the love had never gone away, we just seemed to "drift apart". We have had lots of talks about what happend and when it happened but we have never been able to pinpoint any one thing. We did stop communicating and that is something that a couple should never let happen. We both made changes in how we did things and how we treated each other. We started back really talking again. It was amazing,we seemed to just all of a sudden remember why we fell in love in the first place. My H was very stressed at work and very depressed and unhappy at the time he started the A. He says that is no excuse,in fact he says there is no excuse for someone to hurt the person they love that way. He did tell me that men have this uncanny knack for separating sex and love and women can't do that. He says the A wasn't about sex and it wasn't about love. In fact he really had no feelings for this woman. He says that he was so depressed that he had no feelings for anything or anybody,not even himself. He says that he thought several times that it wouldn't matter if he lived or died. I was also going through the same thoughts. Time has helped the pain get less and less. I forgave my H but I will never be able to forget the hurt he caused. All I can tell you for sure is that time does heal. I am thinking about the A less often and I very rarely cry when I do think about it. Your H must be willing to completely get this OW out of his life forever. I feel that you cannot stay "friends" with the person you have cheated with if you are serious about fixing your marriage. You cannot work on your marriage if the OW is in your lives in any way! How can you put the A behind you if the OW is still in the picture? I hope that things go better for you. I hope in some small way I have helped you. I have found a lot of really supportive and great friends here. It is a great place to come and "vent",rant,rave or just talk things out. Let us know how things are going for you. Pfroglady