Guess I just couldn't resist posting on current situation with XW.
I had an interesting exchange with XW at Xmas. When our separation first took place, I decided that I'm going to teach my kids good family values by helping them find, buy, make, etc, gifts for their mom on special occasions like b-days, xmas, mother's day, etc, desp. Whether or not she decides to do the same, I will still do it. I did it for her all this year (including last xmas), and she never did anything for me from the kids (not for my b-day, Father's day, or last year's xmas). So, for xmas this year, I went through our family pics and found several pictures of each of the kids -- either alone or with their mom -- and cut them out with the kids, and helped the kids glue them to a poster board and made some cool individual collages to give to their mom. I have gotten to the point where I have no expectations of getting anything "from the kids" with XW's help. It hasn't happened for a year now, so why even believe it will, right?
Well, surprise, surprise! XW shows up with the kids on Xmas and gives me a gift (from the kids). She even told them to tell me it was something that it really wasn't (just for fun). It ended up being a set of 4 glass, picture coasters -- 2 of them had pics of D4, and the other 2 had pics of S5. It was very thoughtful, and I was really caught off guard. It was the only gift I received this year, which is one more than I received last year.
XW has really been doing things that are showing her efforts and desire to be a better mom, and this was a perfect example. I know that we're still done, and I'm finally okay with that. I can, however, finally see a lot of healing taking place in her, and a lot of self-reflection too. I think this D being final has given her that final bit of space/separation that was necessary to move on and focus on herself as an individual and single parent -- someone who is responsible for 50% of the kid's time and how that time is spent. I'm so happy that, for the sake of the kids, she is finally conscious of this and cares about it. She isn't taking it lightly, and that is simply awesome!
One thing that I think was a little awkward, but definitely inevitable, was XW meeting one of my new pseudo dating friends (the Wildlife Biologist, lindy girl). When she came over to drop off the kids on Xmas, my friend was over and we were cooking Xmas dinner together. The kids came in and D4 ran into the kitchen, saw my friend, and ran back to XW screaming, "Mommy! 'C' is here! 'C' is here!" XW then let herself into the rest of the house (which kind of annoyed me -- afterall, it isn't her house anymore), and met my friend. This is the first time she has seen me with another woman in ANY situation. They talked about something for a minute while I dealt with the kids, and I didn't really catch what was said between them, but XW seemed friendly and unphased. The present exchange then took place, followed by some scheduling issues, then XW left.
I was kind of nervous about her meeting my friend, even though I shouldn't have been. I don't know if I should've told her about my friend or not. Our relationship is basically platonic, though we text quite a bit, have dinner together, hang out and watch movies, play board games, go on walks/hikes, go lindy dancing and salsa dancing, etc. I think there is some flirting going on from both of us, but I've been real tentative to make any real moves simply because she is kind of in an R right now.
From what I understand, she and her last bf had decided to separate and spend some time away from one another. This was about 8-9 months ago, I believe. He moved several hours away shortly after, and I think they have kept in touch during this time. She told me once that she wasn't really sure about their R, and I felt like she was leading me to believe that it didn't hold much promise. However, as of late, she has been talking about him more and referring to him as her bf again. He even came through town and spent a few nights at her house before flying back east to visit family for Xmas. I really don't know what to make of it all, and I feel like she isn't sure what she wants either. We've spent some portion of every day together for the last 6 days, and I feel like there is potential there. However, I feel guilty for being a bit of a thorn in them working on a R together. I want to ask her about it, but am worried that it could ruin our friendship. I'm worried that she sees our R as purely platonic, and that my interest in anything else will make that R awkward and severe it. I really enjoy spending time with her, and would be happy with us just having a friendship if that's all she wanted. I feel like I'm having an EA with her, which makes me feel guilty.
I guess I'd like to know what others think about this situation. We have a lot in common, and I'd like to tell her that I like her a lot and would like things to move past a friendship, but don't want to interfere with her working on things with her semi-bf. I guess I know the answer to this question, but should I just come out and say this and risk it ruining the current R we have, or just continue on with the R as it is now and waiting to see if she'll make the move to bring this up. I feel like we both want to bring this up, but are both afraid of the other just wanting friendship. Am I the jerk that is imposing on someone else's R, even though she seems to desire an R with me? After all, she did ask me to go salsa dancing with her again last night, and I feel like she gave me a few hints that she liked me during the night.
I'm sorry this turned out to be so long, but I guess I'm struggling with this issue and need some pov's, advice, etc. I am seeing the other girl a bit too right now (masseuse girl), and that is certainly a dating situation since we've kissed a few times. However, she's out of town until Jan 13th, and I really think I like lindy girl more -- I have more of a connection with her. I don't want to make either R serious, but I want to know how lindy girl feels at least. I suppose that it's only fair for both of us that I ask, but again, I'm afraid of what that will do to the good, platonic R we already have. She's given me mixed signals, and I'm afraid that I'm reading into such signals wrong.
