time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 3

[phbear316]

oops, sorry had to jump off, h was in the room.

Need to link my other post, have to try again, just can't get that down LOL cause i am a silly old bear

What i wanted to post was

i find therapy so draining, when i came home last night, I just sat down and started to read the paper. H was supposed to be home, said he would be but was not. I had absolutely no ambition to cook anything, so i did not. I would have had a bowl of cereal for dinner if it was up to me. H comes home like 45 minutes later and says oh, lets go out to eat. Fine i say. Stand up and get my coat, h says your not going to change? (still in office work clothes) No i said don't feel like it, lets just go. We go h asks what do you feel like chinese? diner? I said no to chinese had it for lunch, go to the diner if you want a beer i said, H takes a deep breath and says tell me what you want, i said fine, go to the mexican place, i could go for that. I feel i was very detached in this situation and thats what i need to do with him

We go we eat, nothing significant in conversation, work related. We leave h just drives around, we go for coffee. Then home. H immediately falls asleep on the couch, don't even think his head hit the arm rest before he was out. I go off to bed, hrs later his phone rings and wakes me up. I get up anyway to use bathroom, h starts talking. I am playing with the cat, i said to h, uumm, those are for you, you do know that. H says yea i do. Ok i say. (presents under the tree)

Also yesterday h tell me he has to go pick up a truck for work, i say well isn't odyssey closed on sat? Yes he says but its not there at another place, Oh, is my reply. H states his boss is going to drive him up there, and he will drive the truck back. Do i believe this for one minute, absolutely not, h is going to see her. She lives right out in that area. So if part of the story is true and he is going to get truck, he will not be right back, as he claims. I see right thru his story its like swiss cheese. Now i did not believe his boss was going to call, but guess what he did. But i know he will not be right back.

I also found in his suitcase a receipt for a coach bag he bought in florida. I scanned the document and put it away, for i don't like coach stuff and i did not get any coach stuff. In fact have gotten nothing from h for xmas, but its ok.

I am trying my best to detach with him, but I don't know if its me if i am supposed to feel this way, but it makes me feel so down and sad doing this.

I also am not initiating anything with him, i have noticed since his return h comes to me for hugs and when he left just now kissed me on the cheek goodbye. What this means to him i don't know, i am trying my best to give him his space, and to give me some to.

Well i am off to take a walk, i have not been to the gym all week, due to it being closed m,t,w, and i just did not go the other days, the sun is now out it has stopped raining so i am off to put my sneakers on and go to the town field to use the new track that my tax money paid for (lol) No really is nice, easy on the feet to walk on. 4 laps is a mile of to do 8!

hugs
phbear