Breton - there are two schools of thought - some people think they mean what they say, and others believe that very often their words need 'interpreting'. What is confusing is that sometimes I think they DO mean what they say, but often it needs interpreting.
The divorce thing. Clearly from the evidence here, some people talk divorce and go ahead. But others use it as a 'weapon' - I am not sure they are doing this consciously - sometimes I think they do it to see where WE are in all of this. Other times they believe it will solve their problems . . seems like a good idea at the time, then they start to thnk through the implications. So you get the excuses.
They are flirting with the idea . . . and they can also see how it freaks us out, and for SOME MLCers hurting their spouse is a part of it. We are responsbile for their unhappiness . . . even when another part of their brain knws we are not. In the past two years I have heard variously from my h that he was NEVER happy in our marriage; that he was very happy, but it is not what he wants now; that if I had loved him I never would have married him; that he is living the life he always should have led; that he feels he has died to his family . . and so on. And he continues to insist that he is perfectly unwaveringly consistent!!!
