She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

Thread-locked myself last night.

Thread #1
Thread #2

Here's my latest post.

At this point I see no reason for her to stay other than for the kids' sake. I won't try to stop her. I don't think I'd push her out the door quite yet but I agree, she is here in the thick of things. In her mind nothing has changed. Nothing has ever changed and she still bitches about legacy issues - things that haven't been a problem for many years.

She told me tonight that she has no interest in rediscovering love, attraction and romance with me. It was in response to a mail I sent her (she started the R talk this morning and left for work). Anyway, I need to wash my hands of her and the marriage at this point.

My wife won't be happy until she gets out in the great big world and proves that she is right about having been held back and miserable for God knows how many years.

Today has been pretty liberating for me. I feel more detached now than I ever have. I know that once she moves out and again when she starts dating I will feel some pain. I am preparing myself for both. I am no longer looking at the future and thinking of options for making this work. I made a commitment to her and to my kids. My commitment to her has already been severely diminished. It is time for me to commit more to my children.

I want her to leave our home and that's mildly disturbing to me. I believe it is the only logical next step if there was to be any hope for us. while she is here she will never see me as more than a friend, a co-parent or a housemate. She needs to get out there and live her life just as she has planned.

The sad thing is that with OM gone she has already been discussing dating again. She doesn't see the sickness in her decisions. She is going to try to patch the emotional hole that was left behind by OM, a hole that did not exist before she met him. In other words, she replaced me with him, he disappeared and now she's empty inside. I tried to warn her months ago that this would happen exactly in this way.

What do I know? I'm just a needy, immature man who doesn't understand anything about love and have no idea what she could possibly be going through.

Bah!!

On a high note, I have completed 3 out of 18 things on my "daddy-do list" and should have a 4th completed this weekend. I joined the gym effective Jan 1 but was able to sneak in tonight. I'm surprised I can even type at this point! I feel fantastic considering what I'm faced with but here's what I know:

My children love me unconditionally (as do I!)
My wife has indeed changed and I would never consider her, as she is now, "wife" material
99% of my actions during this situation have been admirable and I am damn proud of what I've done
I am changing for the better and for myself. My kids will benefit from this as will anyone else I come in contact with
I no longer feel I am losing something here. That loss was incurred some time ago and I am coping fairly well


Thanks all! I don't consider this the end, I'm keeping all options open.