I told him the other day (Christmas when we had our big talk-see above) that I read all of the time. I try to learn as much as possible about what helps couples in crisis. Of course he didn't have any comment.
Yes, of course. And that tells you where his head is.
Quote:
If he saw it-what problem would it cause?
I don't know. I don't know that it would cause a problem. I really don't think it is worth the effort to try and figure it out if it does. This room is your domain and you are free to do as you choose there.
Back to couples in crisis. W when I moved into my current place (as opposed to my first place which led to my name, inmyplace) I had a banana box filled with relationship and couples in crisis books. They had been in storage for a couple of years due to my living situation. I tossed them realizing that I spent so much time with those book but not enough time really finding out the problem. (I read a book called separate to save your marriage or some such thing. Probably works in some cases, not mine) And the problem always lies within. I do however understand that you are 6 months into this and are still reeling. It is tough.
My suggestion thought is pretty simple. Don't spend so much time reading. Get an understanding. If you think MLC applies, find out what it is by reading Conway. But I always came back to Divorce Busting and still do for thinking in matters unrelated to intimate relationships. Example. If your relationship with a boss or a coworker that isn't what you want it to be, change your approach in dealing with that boss or coworker, i.e. do something different. And since the name of this board is Divorce Busting and is here because the book was written, that seems to be the way to go. Sometimes too much informations garbles the message. (I learned that by reading a scholarly article by an MIT economics professor.)
But the real key in all of this is you. DB tells us we can't control another. DB tells us that we can only do things which we control. DB tells us to see where we need to change (because we can't make others change). But DB also tells us to seek out destructive patterns as well as patterns that work. We have to change because what got us to this board obviously didn't work as we intended.
A couple other books I recommend. * There is a Spiritual Solutions to Every Problem by Wayne Dyer. * Excuse Me, your Life Is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn * Today Matters and thinking For a Change by John Maxwell
These books will pull you out of that relation ship focus and look at the greater picture of your life. And to be honest, these books back up what I read in Divorce Busting in one way or another.
Finally, dating. If you want to date, that is ok. Just go out and get that divorce first. But seriously, your state of mind will show. If the man is decent, he will say thank you for a lovely evening and never call back. If the man is not decent, he will try and get in your pants or let you get in his. However, you are here and do want to save your marriage so don't. Also, if your husband did notice that, perhaps it would just drive him further away.
All in all, be true to yourself. If you can identify patterns that are destructive to your relationships, change them. If you have things that woerk stick with them. And by all means, do what Michele says and make yourself happy. What do you want to do for you. That is extremely important. Things we do for others, do not stick. Things we do for ourselves, do stick.
(Pease note how little I actually thought about your h in all of this. This is about you.)
