I am still feeling good today. I spoke with Dottie, a DB coach, yesterday. I gotta tell you, talking to the DB coach is sort of pricey, but when I look at the cost of my attorney? And the full cost of divorce? Let alone the more important non-financial costs of splitting. . .It's worth the cost. She keeps me on track.
Dottie said a couple of key things:
I should expect a downswing on the positive interactions. We had a really really nice christmas morning. I should expect W to pull back now. Sure enough, she seems to be doing just that. I normally call the kids every night. Since they are out of town with her I need to call her mobile phone to speak to them. She won't answer. Finally her mobile phone called me back, but it wasn't W. It was my son, 11 yrs old. She was there, but didn't want to speak with me.
I shouldn't feel like I need to force "reality" on W. It will come eventually. The financial pressure, the reality of single motherhood, needing to move out of the house, needing to get a job, and so on. I don't need to play the role of bad guy. It will come naturally. I should focus on just being the best me I can be. I think this is also happening.
I feel strong and grounded today.
JDV - I am so happy for you that you and your H are piecing - that is terrific!
You are exactly right: I understand from other contacts that OM is hating his life - friends deserting him, people shunning him. No PMA, so he's drinking. A lot. Ignoring his friends.
Why in heck would she want *him* ? (theory: she is co-dependent. Her mom is an alcoholic, needy, and has been since W was 13 yrs old. W took care of her mom for many years. Then she took care of our babies. As they grew and needed less care, she needed someone else to care for. OM fills that hole.)
I won't dwell on why she is so attached to him. Honestly I think he does need help, I just wish it wasn't my W going out of her way to help him.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
