H and I own business together, still talking

[grid, lost]

hi everyone this is a new thread as last one locked. Forget why they do that, must be because a set amount of time has pasted.
prior thread with just about the same.

my continue stitch, last post the hell after B&W cat sagga.
this post is to micoms,
mike,
I feel bad about your son too. Hope you at least went to IL for a bit today. why W left wedding set is beyond me. May have done it just to dig at you. Who knows what they think.
As far as H giving me a hug in parking lot after cat and vets, well I thought he was a bit more sensitive.
Guess we can't expect anything from our WAS and need to get it through our thick heads. Hope once I get through this week I'll feel different. He just leaves me so down.
Although H again mentioned planning to read DR, now if he is going to read that book is he trying to find a way to end R or mend R???
Have to run, going to Christmas Eve service with friends. Later
grid, lost

[grid, lost]

oops, thread locks as given amount if time has passed., not pasted. lol

[micoms]

Grid,

Getting ready to go to SIL's house. Haven't talked to S2, don't know if he's going. If he doesn't I'm sure she'll say I had something to do with it.

I don't know about h reading DR. It could be he sees the changes in you and wonders. Then again could be he wants to revisit your R. Kids coming over tomorrow morning. D25 will go to her BF's family in the afternoon, S26 to his IL's D19 And S25 probably will stay here.

well I just continue to put one foot in front of the other, I'll get through the holidays eventually.

Mike

[micoms]

Merry Christmas Grid,


Went to SIL's last night, S26 went also. W called him on 12/23, first time she called him in over 2 months. He has called her during that time but W won't return his calls. Had a good time. Saw my niece and nephews, our kids were there also. GS was a wild man!! When leaving W initiated a hug, I had a crock pot in my hands so I couldn't hug her back.

Caught W looking at me a few times, she looked away when I glanced her way. Gave her the digital picture frame, she liked it. All kids but S26 came over this morning to exchange gifts. D25 was late, I called her house and W answered. She said she liked her pic frame and the photos I loaded on it. I told her it was good to see her, she said it was good to see me also.

I was really upbeat and in a really good mood last night. I laughed more than I had in quite a while.Nephews couldn't get over how much weight I'd lost.

Made some hamburger potato soup the other day and sent it with D25 to take home for her and W. Gave D25 & D19 a certificate for a date with Dad and Christmas cookies. Gave S25 one for a boys night out with Dad. S26 is coming over New Years Day to exchange.

Hope your holiday was good.

Mike

[grid, lost]

Merry Christmas Grid,

Went to SIL's last night, S26 went also. W called him. Had a good time. Saw my niece and nephews, our kids were there also. GS was a wild man!! When leaving W initiated a hug, I had a crock pot in my hands so I couldn't hug her back.

Hi Mike, a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you as well.
Sounds as if you had a great Christmas all n all. appears everything went and felt much better than you had expected it to. Worried you won't go to IL, miss out and later learn they missed you. Family is family and we still want to be together on holidays, weapons down. lol
W's responses to you sound very incouraging, at least to me. AS you are always telling me, don't read to much into it and don't expect a lot from S. But a hug and accepted invite to a dinner with you.! This is a material change! Then during the gathering you notice W looking at you. Add the hug at end of the night, sounds very good very good. Remember, DR, tells us friends, then attraction to each other. Maybe just maybe W is curious about this other/new guy, "you"! Certainly hope so for you Mike and your family.
Nice the Christmas gift went over well with your W. Had my concerns, sounds as if she really likes your gift to her.

I told her it was good to see her, she said it was good to see me also.

I was really upbeat and in a really good mood last night. I laughed more than I had in quite a while.Nephews couldn't get over how much weight I'd lost.

This is all nice to hear Mike. You are handling the situations quite well if you were laughing the night away. lol

Made some hamburger potato soup the other day and sent it with D25 to take home for her and W. Gave D25 & D19 a certificate for a date with Dad and Christmas cookies. Gave S25 one for a boys night out with Dad. S26 is coming over New Years Day to exchange.

Aw, you have no idea how much a date with dad will mean to your Ds, best gift ever. I would have loved my dad to give me a gift like that. Christmas cookies are always good too. Have a big sweet tooth since illness. So thought of fresh baked cookies are making me hungry right now !

My Christmas was very nice. Spent the day and evening with family across street, even attended Christmas eve service with them. They have adopted me since learning I have zero family left and of course I am really enjoying and appreciate their kindness. In adition their elder grandmother lives with them. She is quite frail but she and I can sit and talk for hours. I lived with my 90+ yr. grandmother for years so this is so comfortable to visit with an elder. LOL everyone keeps asking me if gramma is driving me crazy and what they don't understand is I'm loving having her to talk with. Gramma loves my dogs!
H is in Md. said he stayed by himself over holiday, I just let it go and said nothing. Believe him as I quite sure he can't bring himself to go around OW family!!! JackA*** Months ago when I was still hurting so much and doing everything wrong. When H mentioned he had never met or gone to OW's parents home. I, of course, said back to him, "what's the matter? Can't quite bring yourself to slap that wedding band on, walk into her dad's house and look him in the eye???" Still makes me boil just repeating the statements.
On more positive, a C the insurance co sent me to. Suggested a book I read and follow exercises the author suggests. Well I have book in hand and working through journal/work book. Some times quite hard, embarrasing, reassuring, and an eye opener. You really have to take a notebook and do the written exercises in order to fully take in the points author is trying to get across. Shortly I will have to call C back and thank him for the book recommendation. Mike not sure if you remember I came in contact with C through the insurance co. handling my medical claim. LOL Never would expect a dr. working for the insurance company would help me out like that. Usually they are working for insurance company and against the claiment.
I'm feeling as if I might be making ground climbing up side of steep hill and now starting to see top outline against skyline.
Ever feel this way Mike? (since W walked out)

Something has come up which really makes me mad and it shouldn't are the relatives or rather a relative. Have an aunt who H and I are very close to. H calls Aunt and chats on telly and aunt never defends me. Or rather wish Aunt won't act towards H as if everything is the same as it was and just fine. You would think she would at least be really mad at H and tell him so. I mean after all he walked out with me so ill, moved in with OW, etc. this really hurts. You have anything like this in your family and how do you feel.??? How do you deal with the relative or are you silent towards issue with relative and just swallow the hurt? anyone else out there reading this post, please post your thoughts.
For that matter what should we expect from relatives towards the WAS????
Guess I'm not saying relative has to take sides but for heaaven sake just going on as if nothing is different and not ,yes, stand up for the injuried party.
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

Good to hear you weren't alone Christmas. It was good to see my nephews and niece again as well as my SIL & BIL. BIL said what's up with W, told him MLC. He has noticed "something unusual about her". I'm not reading too much into W's actions, did that before and it put me in a down mood for days. I've kind of accepted our R will go into D before it will get better.

She liked her digital picture frame and the pics I put on it. Only had time to load 50 pics in. I told her I wanted to load all pics of kids thru school years in. I had put some family pics and vaca pics also. The one she liked the most was our first family vaca when D19 was 3yo. A pic of her under the bathroom sink, that's where she wanted to sleep, she thought it was cool!!!

My grandfather is still around, he's 97yo, still lives in his own house, makes all k=his meals,short term memory is gone, but he still remembers every detail of a story from 30 to 40 years ago. He probably won't remember the call. I last saw him on his birthday, my uncle called him while I was there, my other uncle asked him who it was he said he couldn't remember his name but it was the guy who helps you cut my grass. Uncle told him that's your son Rich, Gpa said see I told you I knew who it was!!!

What's the book you're reading now? Right now I feel like I'm at the base of the hill. W is certain she wants a D.

C seems to think W has a repressed memory that's about to come out, something traumatic besides the death of her parents. C asked me if W ever talked about anything along those lines. Makes sense, MLC usually has a childhood experience .

W's Aunt who she lived with after her mother died said she says a prayer for us every night to stay together. Aunt didn't make it to SIL, she had malignant skin cancer removed and isn't doing well. Hasn't started radiation yet, won't eat or do anything.

Well got to go, went out for Wings and a beer with S25 tonight.

Mike

[grid, lost]

<What's the book you're reading now? Right now I feel like I'm at the base of the hill. W is certain she wants a D. >

hi mike,
you are sounding good ! I often wonder how in the world you stay so positive and handle everything ?! Honest I do.
Lets see the

book I am reading is: "How One of You Can Bring the Two of you Together" by Susan Page

This seems to not be a book you just read. Go and get yourself a note book or tablet ( that is what I am using) author has several exercises for you to do. They all link together, etc.
I am 2/3 way through and the results/info appearing on paper are a bit shocking!!! So far I am seeing a lot of anger back and forth, anger over anger is only way I know how to put it. The book is primarly learning your role in the marriage interaction. Hard for me to explain and I know as your reading this not coming ourt correctly.
I now realize in our day to day interaction, some how my up bringing in a political public eye and H abusive home life are clashing, I know it as sure as I am writing this !!!!
Has me really scarred as I'm not sure this can be worked out. lol OK, Grid, calm down. I'll keep you posted on my progress through the book. Right now I must sign off. have to run to salvation army store. A good friend of mine gave all her wool blazers to them and I would have taken a couple. Friend had no idea. just one of those things happens. lol GRRRRRR
Wool blazers are expensive and hard to find!
later
grid, lost

[grid, lost]

mike,
failed to answer one of your Q in an earlier post, over B&W cat.
H did not pay vet bill as he doesn't have any money. Since my ill health, money is very short and we have had financial problems. lol lets just add a bit more to the heap of headaches.

So guess what, just picked up the mail, 12-28, there is a gift from H . He always sends to a nonprofit to protect wildlife in my honor, etc. Then of course wildlife organization replies to me as donation is sent in my name and honor or what ever you wish to call this. Remember H doesn't have any money to speak of. this I know as everything comes through my location for business. the gift to nonprofit is not an easy amount for him to come by.
My, Brain is not working to sharp at moment.
H has again sent a gift to me and yet will not even talk about R/M. What is he doing? At one point told him I felt sorry for he and his OW. OW is at the age she had best choose to have kids or never have kids. I ask H, if he is going to stay with her to accept having kids at 55yrs old and not to hurt OW that way, refuse to have kids yet stay with her.
I ask H to please not hurt a woman (OW) this way and he best make up his mind. Maybe they won't have kids but for heaven sake he best be willing to if she wants. Told him not to wait and then cut her loose so late in life she most likely will never find someone to have children with. Funny I've stepped back and see H in a completely different light. He really is lost and scr^wing up his life for good. Of course OW is happy at moment to just have him live with her. This can't go on as there is a business to run. H is in another state. One would think he would deside one way or another.
But then I have had C tell me as long as he is allowed to remain on his "safe little island" he will never leave. ONly when it is to painful on his "safe island" will he move in another direction. Yet his safe island is just isolating him from world.
H is so messed up! H is beyond MLC, there is more at play here. Lot of anger that is for sure.

[micoms]

Grid,

Glad you got a present, maybe he got the money from OW, LOL. Wouldn't that set her off. H could be feeling guilt or embarrassment over what has happened between the two of you. When his honeymoon phase is over with OW, maybe he will see things differently.

C said at my last session she thinks W is in MLC and that something traumatic in her childhood is about to surface. I told her W's father died when she was 3yo, her mother at 14. C said that is not the event it is something else that was very traumatic. She asked me if W ever that I can remember talk about something that happened in her childhood or teen age years. I don't recall anything.

W's aunt she lived with when her mother died isn't doing well, she didn't come to SIL's. She has had skin cancers in the past, in the past they were all benign, this time it is melanoma. She hasn't been eating or wanting to do anything and she hasn't started radiation yet. Her aunt is in her 80's and uncle is 93.

I'm going to call W to invite to the house for New Years, all the kids are coming over, it would be nice to have her hear also. Going to make turkey, S25 gets one from his work every year, this year it was 23lbs. Don't want it in the freezer so will make it.

Well need to clean up around here.

Mike

[grid, lost]

H could be feeling guilt or embarrassment over what has happened between the two

of you.

hi mike,
mmmm. ilove T bird. lol stuffing too???
I would call and ask W over to house. sounds as if she would like to be around the family a bit. Good times bring good feelings about family and M.

The gift from H??? I can't deside if I should thank him or say nothing??? I do worry he is sending these things just because he feels guilty or embarrassed, don't need to be his cure for his wrong doings! That is for sure so if the gift reduces his guilt I don't want anypart of it.
So should I acknowledge the gift or say nothing? Tonight I am in such a bad mood I believe say nothing.
do try to pick up book I mention in earlier post. Quite interesting.
have to run
grid, lost