Sorry for the two extreems but, I do need to ask for more in a confident manner.
Never got much from other people, Almost always did the AOS thing to feel like I fit in. Yup, we create our own problems sometimes and also have answers.
Well I have noticed an overall increased confidence from you for what it's worth. Cut way down on your apologies for the quality of your posts. Personally, I've learned to always hold in high regard the fine opinions of others with a lot more life experience and IMO your posts never lacked quality.
I too was caught in the AOS trap ... mainly because I am almost zero maintenance. I want something to eat I cook it. Want something from ffrig. I go get it. Gave out about 1,000 foot rubs never asked for a single one in return; never occurred to me. And I didn't do it for any rewards; it actually relaxed me.
But now I say to Ms: Forget all the AOSs. The more you do the more the AOS (and you) are taken for grantedd. The only thing that matters are the swirling "feelings" in your F and how those feelings place your role/longevity to her in the R. And one things for sure: resentment over her not appreciating our AOS is felt by her on some level and her attraction feelings drop from that vibe alone (usually because we're not aware we're primarily giving off some really pissy body language).
In the last 3 years, I have gotten better at asking and a "NO" I don't take as personal as I used to.
Yeah, you didn't need my unsolicited words about your R that I made in my last post. I find that annoying about myself, frankly. Good to hear about not taking "no" personally. That's one of the hardest hurdles we guys have to cross: the ability to say and hear the word "no" without worrying about the outcome and how miserable our Fs might try and make our lives once "no" is uttered.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
Hey - thanks for the reminder that I am not a wall flower in every scenario. Oddly I have had more approaches since my little man was born from men of every shape, size and age then I can remember in a while. Forty is pretty cool. I don't know what I am signaling but I DO know how to keep myself out of trouble. Truth be told the scenario you describe could just happen if I was having a particularly bad day. Bring home a nice piece o' azz, leave him with the kiddos and run away.....................
Yeah -I'm venting on my thread and I will soon stop. I am certainly part of the problem as long as I keep that crap up. However, I do believe wholeheartedly that I will never know how I contribute to the problem as long as H refuses to see that there is one. I will order Michelle's book and see if there are new insights there.
In the meantime by little spoon banging man is the light of my life. He just learned to clap, he loves me with an unparalleled adoration. Nothing is more adorable. Since the competition arrived my other kids are fascinated by me too. Funny how that works. You would think H would be similarly motivated by the competition from strangers that he frequently points out. Instead he seems to take a "So what, she's hot and she has her chastity belt firmly fastened so there is no problem kind of stance."
You are right on the AOS with men unless they are done just to please themselves. Foot rubs because they relax you are a-ok as are cleaning up a woman's car or running the vacuum. These helpful behaviors do increase your attractiveness if you are still the kind of guy who might run the vacuum and then say, "Hey the carpet is clean - wanna get some rug burns with me?"
