What does my XW Want?

[Confused_in_AZ]

I have not been this emotionally bad in a while. I guess a combination of the holidays and things. I have been lurking on the boards all day to find some sort of peace, but I don't think I am going to find it today.

Last night I went to see the movie "PS, I Love You" with a friend. Good movie, not a good movie if you are already in some sort of emotional turmoil. It did give me some reinforcement though that I still love my wife unconditionally.

Anyway, tonight we were to go to dinner, but she called to cancel. Might have been the worst excuse ever: my wi-fi is down at my house and I need to fix it.....WTF? Didn't challenge, re-scheduled for brunch on Sunday.

Now as I sit here, I am not sure that I even want to do that. I feel like a doormat. What am I, the standby XH? Many friends tell me it is great that we are good friends after the D, but I just don't feel that way. I just feel like I am in such limbo....whereas I would like to just come out and say, what do you want....I also don't want to close the door on anything. That limbo, while I hate it, is more acceptable since it leaves the possiblity open.

Don't quite know what to do. Tired of being treated this way, but again, willing to be patient. I think I am just getting to the point where this "friendship" is a one-way street and I am am ready to take the next left.