anyone have advice on how i should respond to H when he's feeling really low w/out lying or sugar coating everything? or maybe i should be sugarcoating it now... i dunno...
i got home last night and H was in a terrible mood. I asked him why and he said that mentally, he had a bad day. that means he has been thinking about EA and OM alot, probably more than normal because his mood was especially bad. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he shook his head no. he wasn't going to talk to me at all aparently. It was so bad that when we got to my sister's house (present opening w/ my fam) she said hi mr. grumpy. The mess w/ each other all the time, but not only did he not think it was funny he assumed i called her and told her that he was in a bad mood. I was with him all night except about 5 minutes when i ran into the grocery store and he firgured i called her while i was in there. I just told him no, that his mood was obvious even to someone just seeing you for a few seconds. The night went ok. plenty of distractions. When we left, i thanked him for letting us go and spend time w/ my family. He normally always tries to find a way out of it. He said that it obviously makes me happy to spend time with them, so it's fine.
The night progresses and everything seems fine. I'm super tired, so i asked him when he was planning on going to bed, he said not for a while, so I told him i was just going to sleep on the couch beside him, if he could wake me when he goes to bed so i can go with him. he said sure... about 10 min later here's what he says...
H: are you sure that you are telling me everything? are you hiding anything from me? M: I'm telling you everything. I'm not hiding anything. Is everything ok? Do you want to talk? H: i was going through the songs (he was loading his ipod) and i saw one in spanish and it really got to me, i started thinking that you deserve someone smarter and that I'm holding you back. (OM was hispanic. he spoke spanish, i had been learning spanish before i met him. when H went through all the emails, some were in spanish. He now assumes that i need someone more intelligent and "worldly" as he calls it) M: You aren't holding me back. That was a mistake i made. I'm exactly where i want to be. Right here, with you and the girls is exactly where i want to be and want to stay. H: Are you happy with me. Are you sure. Nothing is wrong. (here is where i struggle. Am i happy with the way things are? NO. Do i want to tell him that while he is thinking this way and so down on himself? NO) M: I love you. I'm happy that we are M and I don't ever want to lose that. H: ok.
That seemed to be ok for him. He went and got me a blanket and i slept while he finished what he was doing on the computer. I just feel like sometimes I'm sugar coating things to help him, but what's really going to get resolved if i keep doing that. I don't want him thinking that there is anything wrong with him. I don't want to lie, so i find answers that kinda answer his question. Eventually we have to be able to talk and discuss what needs to happen in our R, but I don't feel like I can without him taking it as a personal attack. I think it went ok. He seemed ok this morning.
I just wish there was a way that i could explain to him that i'm not happy, but i want us to get back on track and that it's going to take a lot of work on both our parts. that i want us both to be happy. That i want our M to be stronger than ever, but I have a hard time tiptoeing around him all the time. I probably just need to be patient.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
