I "read all these books and we never talk about it" too. Trust me - won't get you anywhere except satisfied that you aren't crazy to expect sex to be some part of your M. It also provides a bunch of new terminology to roll about in your own head, to allow over analysis, excuse making, new strategies and guess what? You still might not be having any sex. I encourage you to set a time limit for all this "trying" and make sure there is birth control involved if you do have sex. Marriages that break up before children come allow for a much cleaner break. If you do not make major progress that STICKS I would kiss her fondly and leave. One year? Two? Six months? Set a limit.
Also, quit apologizing and softening the edges of what you say. Don't get all hurt about her saying that "all you want is sex". The truth is, "When you aren't having any dang right it is all you want." Be a guy. Tell her, "Know what honey, let's have sex and figure out later what else we want from each other because you look hot and I want you. After we "do it", I will take out the garbage, we'll plan our retirement etc... but not until. You might think it is crass and tacky and she might too. She won't be any more angry than she already is and at least you will be telling the truth. Read Radical Honesty.
