PS, I would think that both you and your H have something to work on. I haven't reached this yet in my Piecing efforts, but I would think that the WAS has a responsibility to do what they can to rebuild trust in the M. Is there something that your H could be doing or saying that would be helpful for you? In my situation, it would be that my W would cease sleeping elsewhere activity, unless I knew where she was staying.
Once your H is doing what you've asked to help build trust, than any difficulties you have are your issues to deal with. I think the first step is acceptance of where your R is in the Piecing process. You need to accept that rebuilding trust will take time, and that it will be natural to have some thoughts of doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty. You will need to accept the discomfort of this. Even when things are getting better, it doesn't mean we get to be comfortable all the time.
It's good that you are aware of your thoughts/feelings and when they are creating suffering in you. You will have to experiment and find what works for you, and practice consistently. In my case reading, dancing, writing, and yoga are all helpful. Reading self-help books gives me ideas to practice with to counter distressing thoughts and emotions.
All my activities seem to help me in getting centered again in the present or changing my interpretations so that I can manage difficult emotions. Your thoughts and fears that you described are future-oriented.
The book "Everyday Zen" by Charlotte Joko Beck talks about the "razor's edge." By this she means that we need to be aware when our thoughts and feelings take us away from living in the present moment of our lives, and over the edge into suffering. It's a constant practice.
What helps you or has helped you in the past to manage difficult emotions?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
