OK, so I just finished reading Sex Starved Marriage and I have a few questions/comments.
We really don't seem to fit in this book at some places. My husband does hold my hand, gives me peck kisses and puts his arm around me every night when we go to bed. Now I admit that he does this because in the past, when we've argued about sex,or lack of it, I told him he could at least show me he loved me by doing these things. The problem is--it hasn't worked. I feel like he is doing these things to placate me. He still doesn't want to have sex with me. The only other thing we argue about is his long hours at work. I feel he stays there to avoid me or that work is more important to him then me. He insists it isn't, it is just that his job is demanding.
Yesterday we had a big arguement. He knew I was going to help my sister who was stranded along a busy highway. I had a question on what I should do and tried to call him at work. He didn't answer his desk phone so I called his cell. He didn't answer at first so I tried again thinking if I called a second time he would realize it was important (he has said in the past if I call twice he will realize it's important and answer) This time he picked up the phone and immediately hung up the phone. I thought there was some issue with a dropped call and tried again. He didn't answer at all this time.
I called my dad. My husband called a few minutes later and I said, never mind, I called dad. He stated. "I don't know why you didn't just call him in the first place, you know I am work and he is retired." I said "Oh, my first inclination when I need advice is to call my husband. I won't make that mistake anymore." We got into an arguement where he felt I was overreacting. Hello, you know I was alongside a busy highway helping my sis who was stranded and you don't bother to pick up your phone? He said he made a bad judgement call. No kidding? Then he doesn't understand why I am upset that I can't call him if I need help. He didn't mean it that way, he said.
He later said that I can call him if I need something, I should call him because he is my husband. Yeah, OK, isn't that what I said in the first place?
Then I later said about the marriage counseling thing. He has been saying for months that he would call. I even told him I wanted him to call to show his commitment and so that I didn't schedule it at a time that wouldn't be convenient and then he would back out. He said "Well, you can do it this week, you're not busy." (No, I'm not. I'm a teacher and I have the week between Christmas and New Year off) But that point to me was I've been asking him and honestly it's usually easier for him since I can only make calls during my prep time and I can't get return calls.
I wrote him a note last night telling him how I feel and in this I didn't really hold back. I taped it to the wall across from the toilet this morning so he couldn't miss it. Before he left for work he kissed me goodbye and said we would talk tonight.
