Welll I do appreciate all the advice. She had a very different childhood than I did. Her mother was manipulative and abusive towards her. She doesnt really talk about it much, but I suspect thats a lot of the problem. I thought that she was past all of it because we had such a great relationship in the beginning. I figured she had come to terms with watever it was. We talked a little last night about it. AS we were watching Tv she asked me if we were going to talk again tonight (in a kind of condescending tone) I said I have some things on my mind yes, and I would like to talk to you about them, but if youre not up for it we dont have to. She said no lets get it over with, so I said ok, we'll talk for 15 minutes, ill say my piece and then ill be done. So I told her to try and see my perspective. Here I am married to this beautiful woman, the girl ive been waiting my whole life for, the one that I love above all others before, the one with such smooth skin, and pretty eyes, and nice legs and who's smart and fun and just all around beautiful, my dream girl, my happily ever after. I want to share the experience of a sexual relationship with my wife and enjoy being close to you in that way, but I get turned down. I also said that Im not going to beg, im not going to be made to feel like youre doing it out of obligation. I was really hurt on my b-day when I tried to kiss you and you kept turning your head and werent into it. Ive said beforer how much that hurts me and I told her that it hurts me when you tell me that all i want from you is sex or all i want is to just stick it in. Thats not true and it hurts me that you keep saying that when ive said many times that I dont like it. I told her that I dont believe youre any more ok with having sex once or twice a month than I am. That you once told me youre a very sexual person and I am only trying to figure out what the problem is so that we can get this back on track. Of course she got really quiet and irritated and said that if I would quit pressuring her that maybe shed be more open to it. Or that I read all these books but we never talk about it, that shes just supposed to read them too. I said yes, its difficult for me to talk to you about it because we dont end up any better off, nothing gets resolved and nothing ever changes. When ive tried to talk about it you shut down or get mad or we end up in the you used to do this, you used to do that circle or the if you would just (be romantic, rub my back, buy me a thoughtful gift, etc.) I would be more sexual with you circle. She got really annoyed and said If I hear one more time how bad I am or how I used to do this or that im going to go f-ing nuts. I said I didnt say anything about how you used to be, or how bad you are and I rehashed the gist of the conversation. I said look, this is our problem and we need to come up with some kind of answer. It doesnt matter who we used to be or how things used to be anymore, this is where we are today. It doesnt matter whos fault it is or who's right or wrong. This is a problem in our relationship and we need to figure out a way to fix it. Its been this way for months now and we need to work together to get past it. She seemed to calm down a bit and my 15 minutes were up so we stopped talking about it.
