Maybe not too complicated to understand

[Michael Mc C]

Had an unexpected R talk this morning just after waking up. W said that we need to discuss with the kids what is going on between us.

Her: We need to tell them at some point what's going on. I'm still thinking about moving to my mother's. I think it might be best.
Me : What benefit will there be with you moving to your mother's?
Her: At some point I will be ready to move on and I can't do that here.
Me : Before he (OM) showed back up you weren't in a hurry to go anywhere.
Her: Right, that's why I had to do this, to make sure I was leaving for me and not for him.

<She's telling me that she broke it off with him, not the other way around. I know that this is not the case.>

Me : You never responded to the email I sent a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't expecting anything really but I'm surprised I never even got an "everyone is entitled to their opinion".
Her: I'm just tired of arguing about everything.

<My email pointed out that our marriage was not decaying before OM showed up in the summer. That the hole she was feeling when he backed away in October was not a hole he had filled during the summer. In other words, our marriage was not broken. Her feelings for me were slowly and systematically replaced by prolonged interaction with him.>

Me : The hole you felt when he left wasn't a hole you felt before he even showed up. Our marriage was not broken.
Her: I know.
Me : Our marriage was not dying a natural death. I'd like you to consider that and know that there are ways to fix it.
Her: And I'd like you to consider that maybe it's time to accept that it's over and we need to move on. I think we should continue counselling to make this easier on everyone.
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Well at this point I'm not sure what to do. I guess the answer is there's nothing I can do. If she feels the need to move out I can't stop her. If she feels the need to go out and fill this hole with someone new, it makes me sad for her but again, there's nothing I can do about that. I thought that I'd be able to fill that hole given time but she's not willing to give it that time. I just think it's a shame that she knows the marriage wasn't on the way out but she feels it's okay to give up on it now that this has happened.

Maybe she doesn't want to face the guilt or she's afraid of accountability. I just don't know. She mentioned that she wants to be able to move on without anger and recrimination. I want to label this behavior (I'm odd that way) but can't figure it out. Is it weak morals, a character flaw, a defense mechanism to keep her from truly facing consequences? Am I simply too dense to see that she has made up her mind and regardless of the logic of that decision she will not waver?

I also believe that she is still pining for him. She did not end it so she wants closure. Actually, it's not closure she wants but instead she wants it to work out between them so she has her fantasy world to hide in.

The last time he walked away she thought about dating. I'm sure she has the same thoughts now. Making up for the loss she is suffering. Instead of trying to fix our marriage she would rather go out, find someone new and patch the emotional hole.