Back to square one

[EverydayMike]

So frustrating.:(
I pushed for a talk last night.
"Whats the deal? everyday we get further and further apart. I don't feel you love me. you refuse to show any "hope" that things will get better in the future"." You turn your head when I kiss you.The ILY's ARE long gone. Tell me "What I do? Do I stop trying all together?" I asked her point blank "do you want a divorce"? tell me the Truth"."I don't know, I don't know what I want" "Tell me there is some sort of hope" "I can't" "I am DONE trying, I am done faking".. "Whell I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I can't live with a wife who does not love me and refuses to see there is anything wrong with that. I can't live like roomates. I love you with all my heart and I am willing to do ANYTHING to save our marrige but I can't keep giving my all when you don't see there is any "hope" for a better future.
"tell me strait up whats the deal" she just continues to say she is "not in a happy place right now" whell I say, "there are two things going on here. Your unhappiness because of life's stresses and then there is your husband. Who continually gets put on the back burner and feels totaly unwanted, unloved, and frustrated". " You continue to blow off my feelings and switch it arround so it feels like I am not entitled to feel like this because your not in a happy place lately"
By the end of the conversation she said "fine I don't want to be married" "Are you happy now? YOU forced me to choose you forced me to decide" "Wait a minute I say, You can't put your decisions on ME. You are responsible for your own decisions. Stop switching it arround and making it feel like this is what I want. I continually hold fast that I want My wife and marrige" " I want a better future" "You just don't seem to care".
Round and round we went "I need some glimmer of "hope"..
"I can't give you any"

I hate this. the uncertanty about the future. I know we cannot predict the future. But I just need some thing to go on for at least tomorrow. Or even the rest of today...........

[cat03]

hey Mike, I hear you, I totally do, dealing with same thing here. I do understand that she is taking anti-Ds, I guess they are not helping any, depends how long she's been on them, I know they take their time to work. Asides from a psychiatrist who prescribes the meds, is she seeing a psychologist? would she accept that you come to one session?
My H has been on robot mode for months which led to his contact with ow twice, even as he tried half-heartedly to be in the M his depression won over and he screwed up royally. Our new MC admitted that it will be hard to see our issues with depression clouding his mind, much like my H your W is unhappy with herself, doesnt' know what she wants and is unable to truly connect with you.

A good book you can get to help you (and which I think I will also get to refresh my memory ) is "Talking to Depression: Simple Ways To Connect When Someone In Your Life Is Depressed" by Claudia J. Strauss

It is hard, for us, the "undepressed" to understand where they are coming from, it is easy for us to say "well, you know what to do, just do it!". It is a terrible illness.

Give her some space, let things settle down for a bit before you make any decision or push her to give you something she just isn't able to give you now. Hang in there pal

[EverydayMike]

Whell,We just got back from counciling.
She wants me to move out. Another "seperation"

I guess I got my answer

[cat03]

I'm sorry, I know too well how it hurts, but I pray pray that perhaps this is for the best, that she actually sees what a good husband you are and is able to see what she is missing

[EverydayMike]

I really appreciate the support but I guess thats why we are all here.
Who knew a relationship could get so complicated. They don't give instructions for this stuff when you get married.

As of today she is leaving for the weekend and I will stay home with the kids. When she comes back I will go stay at a friends house down the street.Shes worried I am going to financialy strangle her so she wants to get lawyers involved for seperation. I promissed Her I won't do anything of the sort. She allready told the kids.
I begged her please take some time to clear your head, think, whatever you need to do. Before you decide anything. Slow down a little. You said you need a seperation because you were unsure so slow down a little.
This is what I get for pushing and pushing and pushing for answers. I backed her up into a corner and now shes kicking back.
Another seperation... Ughhhh.
I feel a little better this time. I have no idea why. I'm just kinda kool with it.. if you can be kool with something like this.
Last time was a month and there was also O/M in the picture.
This time it's just her.

I know what I have to do.I've done it before Hopefully I can stay the coarse.It's so easy to get complacent and start backsliding..


Wish me luck.

[cat03]

good luck Mike)))))))))) My H also thought I'd screw him legally so he run to a L the first time; if she insists perhaps a mediator could be an impartial and fair helper.

Nope, they dont' give you instructions, I think people should really REALLY take classes before marrying, I remember my pastor had us take some tests before my H and I married, they were awesome! told us what kind of people we were (from the 4 categories), I regret that we only did it once.