Temptation comes in through the door we intentionally leave open.
We like to flirt, we like the attention, we like the danger. We are stupid creatures.
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He was a left behind spouse also whose wife had OM. So, he gives advice and suggestions. He tells me that I should do everything I can to keep the marriage together.
Since we are being honest.
You will fall for this man. He is going to be everything your husband isn't right now, or ever was.
And you won't see it coming.
If you truely want your marriage, or your husband back, then remove yourself from situations that can even remotely be considered temptations.
You are more vulnerable right now than you ever have been.
You WILL fall for this guy, LBSs are almost made for each other.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Depends on the date. I have 2 single male friends. One I see every so often, the other I have lunch with almost every week. In both cases they are absolutely just friends. Both know my H and my son. Both just cheer me up and keep me from having to eat alone. There is no flirting, no romantic talk. I talk about my H for the most part and they give me a guy point of view. They are both people who would stay in my life if my marriage worked out as they were friends before all this happened.
New male friend? Not friends with H? I don't know. I will say this, my H 's OW was a LBS and it was a huge factor in the affair and still is. Be careful. She went after my H big time as she was so hurt and he wanted to rescue her.
I wouldn't go. Simply b/c you are vulnerable. If you intend to keep working for your M, I think it's too risky. Not only for you, but for him as well. You risk messing with someones elses emotions and if you aren't crystal clear about exactly what it is you want, don't do that. It isn't fair (no, nobody ever told me life is fair). Yes, we are human and b/c we know how tempting it can be to be desired and appreciated etc... we need to stop and think first. Your choice.
Hi mrs... As far as the date...I would not go. Your vulnerable and are seeking attention to fill the void you feel right now. You say you want your H back so don't do anything you will have to explain or regret later. I know you say this man gives you advice because he has been where you are but that is how EA's start, you will begin to rely on him to make you feel better and get your mind off the stuff at home.
You posed a question about what I think made my H come home...I have asked him this and he says he realized that he was not happy with OW and the grass is not greener on the other side. H also said he saw me taking the high road..(no arguments, did not cause any trouble...blah, blah, blah) H felt like the loser and began to miss our life. H also said he saw I no longer needed him and it made him nervous that I was ready to move on.
We are doing very well. I am still working on trusting him again but he understands that and makes sure to let me know where he is at every minute. H is back to the man I married. All our family and friends see it. H definitely went through some type of crisis...fit the MLC perfectly. We are moving on from that to make our M better.
Don't let your H be a cake eater. Let him miss you and see what he may possibly lose.
I am in RI. In order to become less available to your H, you need to set boundaries. Do not be available everytime the phone rings or he wants to come over. Don't make it easy for him to just come over and eat dinner and spend half the time with you and the other half with the kids.
Don't be mean about it, just make plans for yourself. If he wants to see the kids have him take them out for dinner, or if he is at the house, you go out for a bit.
I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you those things worked for me. at the time my daughters were 4 and 9 months old...H would come visit and I would leave. I thought I was being nice so that he didn't have to drag two little ones out in the cold, but yet I did not stay home to "help" him with the girls.
Thanks Momo-As stupid as it sounds I never thought to leave the house when he came to see the kids. He would always come right after work which was dinner time so I just would put another plate out. I thought it would be nice to have him see what he was missing at the dinner table. Maybe next week when he wants to spend time with the kids I will have already fed them and I will take the time to go to the gym!! What a great idea!!! I have a free membership and I never get to go!!! Hmm. I love coming here-I learn soooo much!
Me:45 H: 45 M: 14 yrs T: 16 yrs D's: 7/11 Bomb: June '07 Moved out: Sept.'07
