I am in RI. In order to become less available to your H, you need to set boundaries. Do not be available everytime the phone rings or he wants to come over. Don't make it easy for him to just come over and eat dinner and spend half the time with you and the other half with the kids.
Don't be mean about it, just make plans for yourself. If he wants to see the kids have him take them out for dinner, or if he is at the house, you go out for a bit.
I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you those things worked for me. at the time my daughters were 4 and 9 months old...H would come visit and I would leave. I thought I was being nice so that he didn't have to drag two little ones out in the cold, but yet I did not stay home to "help" him with the girls.
