Mixed Signals - version 13...

[catfan]

Ladybug you are right I all to often will turn it over to God and get that peace. Then for selfish reasons I yet to understand take it back and get to feeling like ----.

Well Christmas is over and it's been a wonderful 2 days! My wife's been here almost continually since yesterday afternoon. We've all had a wonderful time! My family has been amazing in the love, fellowship, welcoming and "as if" attitude. It means a great deal to my wife to be invited and treated the way she's been treated.

When she left this evening I walked her to the car, as I did last night. She gave me this big hug and we quickly chatted about how nice it's all been. I told her it's a small little stepping stone for us. She didn't want to call it that but then agreed. So for now I'll just wrap myself in the blanket of wonderful interaction the last two days brought. Keep it as that and let it bring a smile to my face.

[catfan]

Here's a quote I found that says a lot about my thinking and attitude towards life now. A positive loving attitude will reap great rewards in all aspects of life!!

"A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year."

~Edgar Guest

[HHIF]

I do the same thing,I have put this whole thing in Gods hands and just ask this will be done and it does give you some peace,but then you get impatient and start trying to do things your way again.

I know my wife loves the lord and I know he knows the need and doesn't want this family broken up.

I have been told many times that God has perfect timing and we have to patient and have faith and trust in him,that is easier said than done at times.

My wife has a hard time giving up control,she wants to handle everything herself and be tough and independent,I'm just praying that she will be able to let go and let God,she is using medications now to help her deal with what she is doing to me and our kids.

[catfan]

Hey all, here's a couple of Bible verses I made note of that I found appropriate when I've tried to pull it all back from God.
I just started my list this morning. So if you have others to add to the list, please share!

Weariness:
Isiah 40: 27-31
Ephesians 1:15-23

Love:
Songs of Solomon ALL (Shoot Shakespeare has nothing on Solomon!)
1 Corinthians 13

Loneliness:
Ecclesiastes 5:1-7

[FLTC]

cf,

First, I'm gld that the holiday went well. Secondly, I couldn't help but notice that you threw it out there to your W: "It's a small stepping stone for us". You may be forcing it again. Let your actions speak for you. She'll decide what she wants with or without you telling her what you think it was. Be careful about the pursuit stuff. BTW: Who the he** am I to give advice how to do it right Merry Christmas, anyhow!

[catfan]

Well you are right FLTC, making that statement was purely pursuit. Honestly at the time I wasn't thinking that at all. I was more thinking of it as something for us both to look to as a positive that things are and can continue getting better. An optimistic type attitude if you will, trying to point out the good things to celebrate. But you are right it wasn't good because it was pursuit at best, weak and needy at worst. I think she might have even seen it as a tiny bit of the later.

She's definitely in the withdrawal mode after good positive steps between us which I was fully expecting from her. This is where I am so glad I read Michele's books because I understand the dynamics so much better now. Also glad for my friends here because y'all keep me in line.

[catfan]

Well a week since my last post. It seems it's all come unraveled this week. Yep the separation agreement came into play I got the responses from her attorney on Wednesday and things took a big step backwards based on the changes he wants made. We tried to talk about it on Wednesday night but the conversation kept going back to the past. Why every conversation does I don't know. I just want to look at the future and implement solutions not rehash the past. Why does she keep bring up the past?

I'm tired of it all now, I've finally been worn down. My heart, my soul, my being just can't take the negativity of it all anymore. It seems every time I finally get a solid positive core there's something negative that comes along to just beats me down. She can't seem to get past the past and when we have these conversations she just rebuilds her wall.

So I am done for now. I'm going to focus only on me and the girls and moving forward with my life. No more self help books, relationship books, no more invitations or assistance. The future is what needs my focus not the past. There's some scary things about it, especially financially but they must be faced. Sadly the separation and agreement are pushing us both in the exact opposite direction we want to go emotionally and financially. It's not my decision in many ways. She wants this and it's going to hurt us both for a lot longer. But all I can do is pull myself up, dust myself off and do the best I can and get on with my life.

I do have a new personal saying that y'all might like, "Life does not present us with problems or issues, life presents us with opportunities for creativity!"

Time to get creative!!

[FLTC]

cf,

As long as you truly believe in what you wrote, then you'll be OK. If you say it, but can't live it, that will not serve you well. I am at the same point as you.....I'm not reading anything anymore. I get a vote, but it's not the one that counts.

[Dom R]

Well a week since my last post. It seems it's all come unraveled this week. Yep the separation agreement came into play I got the responses from her attorney on Wednesday and things took a big step backwards based on the changes he wants made. We tried to talk about it on Wednesday night but the conversation kept going back to the past. Why every conversation does I don't know. I just want to look at the future and implement solutions not rehash the past. Why does she keep bring up the past?

it's what happens with legal stuff.
it brings up the fight response. and you dont want to be on friendly terms with your enemy in a fight, so you justify to yourself how horrible they are, to justify fighting against them.

she can only do that by hanging on to the past. so that's what she's doing.

[catfan]

Thanks Dom that makes a lot of sense. All I could think of was her trying to justify why putting everyone that loves her through this crap was worth the price so she could be "happy". Honestly I'm not sure she's all that happy. I suspect she's telling herself how happy she is and such but not truly happy.