State of Mind

[fooled again]

BeingMe

I think forgiveness and letting go is so hard b/c it makes us feel vulnerable - if we let go, we allow ourselves to be open to being hurt again. By holding on to our hurts, we try to use them as a shield to protect us from further hurt. I have a brother who lives his life this way. He is an angry man and I fear he will never change. And now, I fear that I myself am falling into this pattern. To forgive and to let go takes bravery, something I have difficulty finding in myself.

And then I try to think, "what's the worst that can happen if he is still cheating on me?" I suppose if that were to happen, and I fear that right now, I would have to walk away and close the book on my M and admit that I had failed. Perhaps that is my greatest fear, that that which I wanted most in life is something I was unable to achieve.

I suppose I need to do more GAL-ing. You inspire me to get to that place where it doesn't really matter, where you know why you are doing what you are doing and you have made peace with what has happened. You sound very strong and very brave to me.

This is a couple of days late, but Merry Christmas to you and I wish you a peaceful New Year.

FA