john,woog, thanks, i think my being friendly has caused her to be very frustrated with me. especially the last week or so.pma is very good, she needs to do what she needs to do. i will love her either way.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
sandi, interesting that you wrote that. i have been praying and seeking the Lord . my situation is in Gods hands. i gave it the the Lord. it is in his hands. you are right on, i will not get in his way.thanks sandi!!! i do not believe in coincidences, youre remarks are a answer to prayer.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
You are definately in a tight spot. You've done so much to aggravate her for so long that she's a brick wall now, a block of ice. Don't expect anything positive from her for quite some time.
I think it is very much OK for her to know the truth. That you can see how you've failed her, that you can understand how she must have felt(give specifics), and that you're sorry you let her down. I also think it's okay to ask her for patience.
Anything you do to try to stop her, manipulate her, control her, critisize her, fix her, change her, etc. will be like pouring gasoline on an open flame. It's time for her to hear words and see actions from you that communicate to her that you understand her pain. Do you really think she wants a D, to break up her family, etc. just because she's selfish, wants OM, is in MLC? No, her world has been rocked, and it's been rocked for years. The vision she had of her perfect man has been trashed. She is not sure of what she wants, but she's sure of what she DOESN'T want.
It's not too late to create a new vision. Don't just bury your head in the sand and hope for the best. Get up, and get going. Show this woman that you are the man of her dreams. Start right now, and let NOTHING stop you from your mission. It begins with humility, then courage, strength and faith.
My W was the ice woman. She closed the door on me. But I never gave up, I kept calling plays and kept getting bloody. Some plays gained yardage, some lost, but I kept calling them just the same. Stupid, brave, beat up, dirty, honest, humble, never a doubt that I would die trying. Eventually one drop at a time the ice block melted.
Keep Fighting!
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
cog, sorry to seem so dense , but what exactly did your play calling entail? i know every situation is different. but give me an example.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Okay, no problem, I'm pretty dense too. It's how most of us men are wired, that's why we get into so much trouble with women. We're real good at changing a flat tire, but we're not too good at reading our women. Men are from Mars Women from Venus, by John Grey is a great book.
Here's a "play" example. Your W is coming home in a few days. You know how tense it's gonna be the first time you see her. So how will you handle that? What's your play going to be? Are you going to meet her at the door wearing nothing but an apron? I don't suggest that. So then what? Touch basis with your coach, God, and let Him help you call the play. Be quiet, and listen carefully to Him.
Every sitch, every person is different. Every interaction you have with your W is basically a play on the field. It's a game bro. You've got to equip yourself properly, practice, work out, the whole nine yards. Look at every interaction, every communication as a play. If you listen to her venting and keep quiet, and validate her feelings, that's a play and you gain yardage. If you try to fix it for her, or jump on the defense, that's a play, and you'll likely loose yardage. Get it?
You'll win the game one step at a time, one play at a time. Don't watch the clock, don't keep calling the same plays that don't work. Find the plays that do work and keep calling them.
And never give up!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
just bought the book yesterday will read it before she gets back.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
just had my first db coaching session with Jody. wow.!!! do i feel like i have a plan of action. concrete solutions . she stressed consistency more than anything. that is what gets results. be consistent in your db'ing. negative feelings have to leave. compassion. listening with validating. galing for yourself so you will not deplete your self. she said it is a marathon, not a sprint. i hope everyone can talk to a coach. i will be saving my money to call her back in a month. taking care of your children is utmost.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
i hope and pray everyone has an safe and wonderful nye, and a great 2008. a little apprehensive about 2008, alot of unknowns.but my faith in God gives me hope. i feel empowered to keep db'ing and working on myself improvement. alot of work to be done on me. praying for marriage restoration.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
