My two cents for whats worth, and other may agree or disagree. Haven't you both agreed to work on this R? So he needs to get on that wagon and quit talking about it. I think you do that through DB'ing efforts. On the other end, I really think you need to get your hands on Men are from Mars, Women are Venus. Just from what I read in that book, and what your telling us about H, he thinks he is working on the M. Sadly, he walks around not saying much right? He is thinking? That doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate or love you, he is just trying to find the solution. Mean while you want to talk about any solution, and how it feels. He doesn't get that, because that doesn't move forward towards the solution.
I really think it would be insightful, actually for both you and H. Is there any way he would read that? Maybe your own little marriage book club, ah how sweet, I can already see the old me going "ahh" and rolling my eyes, no wonder I sleep alone. LOL!!
he walks around not saying much right? He is thinking? That doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate or love you, he is just trying to find the solution.
He doesn't say much. He might appreciate and love me. he says he loves me at least. Someone earlier told me that men respond to action. Well, i do to. Maybe if he appreciates me and knows how much i do, he could help a little or tell me or something. (sorry... venting a little. ) Just don't see any solutions coming from him.
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Mean while you want to talk about any solution, and how it feels. He doesn't get that, because that doesn't move forward towards the solution.
I've given up trying to talk to him about anything important. I'm trying to show him. being intimate with him regularly, doing things for him, reassuring him, whatever i can think of (he won't tell me what he needs, so i've guessed)
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I really think it would be insightful, actually for both you and H. Is there any way he would read that?
LOL... that's funny. My guess is he'll read a book w/ me when he!! freezes over and little piggies start flying overhead. hehe. he hates reading. reading about M is like some form of torture. I have some books at home about karma sutra, better sex, etc... one day i saw him reading one and I about died, he said "don't worry, i'm just looking at the pictures. Do you think the Mars/Venus authors would write me a picture book?
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no wonder I sleep alone. LOL!!
ROFL - this is almost as funny as the idea of H reading. Really though, i keep thinking that i'm amazed that your Ws (almost all the guys here) aren't running back home. Here you are, your W left, had and A and you are still busting your a$$ trying to change yourself and take care of kids and they are still off playing their games. I don't mean to say bad things about them, more that i'm jealous. I wish my H would put in a fraction of the effort you guys have.
thanks atlas...
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
In all seriousness read it just to help with your stress level. You will understand his silence and mopping crap so much better and realize it isn't a reflection on you. My W is a counselor and when I first started IMAGO and Validation, after the end of the first convo, she was like your IMAGO going to take some work. So I can't pull to much over on her. But since I got that book, I can get her to open up about things like no tomorrow, it's almost like having one of those little watches the hypnotist use. I do the suggestions and she reacts exactly as the author says she does.
Atlas... in all seriousness... i have that book, bought it a little while ago (someone here recommended it before, you maybe? don't remember) I'm reading through a book that Heim recommended now and that one is next on my list. I really appreciate the advice. I'll take whatever i can get at this point.
I'm a joker. If i make light of something, it's just to help me get through stuff. That's one of the things that H and I have always had in common. We are all about having fun and messing around. it hasn't been that way in a long time...
Ummmm... IMAGO?? should I know what that means? Maybe i'm having a blonde moment...
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
It's an active listening skill. I think if you google it you get some results. Most women I think speak this way, so it seems to be a pretty effective tool for us men to learn. But hey we can all use brush up's now and again.
) Just don't see any solutions coming from him.