The comedian Ron White said this about being arrested and I think it fits for many of us in this situation (including me). "I had the right to remain silent, unfortunately I did not have the ability..."
That's me!!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Well, I've changed my mind and I don't feel like talking to him at all now. It seems too much like ass-kissing and I am not the one who's done anything wrong. He's a cold sob who doesn't deserve to be catered to by me.
I am also sorry that I wrote that email to him. He can eat s h i t and die. He can go ahead with his divorce plans and I am better off without him.
Don't be sorry for apologizing, and don't retract your apology when talking to him. You will come out as the bigger person.
I'll admit that "eat s h i t and die" is pretty harsh after 12 years of marriage, but I also understand that there comes a point when BOTH parties need to own up to their contributions to the demise of the relationship. And, it's frustrating when that doesn't happen.
Best of luck to you.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Well, I did call H on Christmas Eve morning to see if he got some decorations I left for him on the porch. It was his and D17's (empty) Christmas stockings that I came across while I was decorating. I didn't want to be an a-hole and keep them or throw them out.
Anyway, H answers the phone with "Hi Kimmie", his voice full of trepidation and I was just cheerful as hell. So I asked how he was doing and he says "Fine".....long pause....."How are you?". I said I had a bit of a headache from a big holiday party the night before, but otherwise I was fine. H chuckled at that and seemed to relax a little.
This was a party that we went to together every year, and D17 had tried to wangle an invitation for herself, but the host is my friend and just let her request drop with a thud. LMAO!!
I wished H a Merry Christmas, and said to wish his D17 a Merry Christmas, and then I got off the phone. Short, sweet, to the point, and this is the first time I've heard his voice since he moved out.
I thought I was doing fine, but a couple days later, I felt hurt that he didn't get me anything for Christmas. Isn't that silly? I wasn't expecting him to, and I didn't get him anything either, but still....
Same here, i only got my STBX a t-shirt which I gave her when she dropped off the kids Xmas morning, and we exchanged smiles but there was no gift for me. Oh well.
Me: 37, engineer, former Marine Her: 33, HS dropout, retail sales Kids: 3 Daughters 11,9,3 2 Dogs Seperated since Jun07
My H stopped by unannounced this morning. He's never ever done that. And of course, the house was a mess with bedding on the sofa and toys on the floor and other Christmas clutter. My mom and nephew are here for a visit for a few days, and oh well. But I keep my cool.
Anyway, he came over to give me my new medical card and a co-pay bill from my Dr, things that he usually just leaves in a planter on the porch. H says "Hi Honey".....Hi Honey??!! and comes in to sit down. He says "Hi Mom"......Hi Mom??!! just like normal. The dog is happy to see him, nephew is happy to see him and asks if he brought Andrea with him. Heh...We make small talk, I ask how D17 is doing, tell H how wonderful my Christmas was at my sister's, how I applied for a part-time job, etc.
H looks kinda sheepish and probably feels pretty awkward in front of my mom. I ask him how he wants to handle attending church and he says it's ok if we go as normal and sit together. I give H his nice wool coat that he forgot to take when he left, and then as he's on his way to his car, he says, "So if you want to get together and talk, we could go to the local cafe or the waffle house".
What the hell does this mean? We haven't laid eyes on one another for two months!
Kimmie Lee, my H is off with OW, wish it were his daughter. Wanted to offer up something I read a few days ago and hit really hit home for me. Hope it helps you to see through some of this or at least offer some comfort to all the confusion.
A book I am reading on relationships, etc. and marriages of course. noted that we all need to realize in a marriage, our parnter and self are on a seasaw. Everything I do affects my partner one way or another and reverse is same. Even if neither does nothing it affects the other. ie: if one doesn't move the other can't either. It is not so much about who is wrong or who is right, rather what role do We each play in moving the seasaw. Please I am not judgeing you or anyone else on these boards. think about the seasaw for a while, what does your mind start to see? Meeting at a local cafe, might mean talking about R or seeing if there is any hope two of you can be friends again. I would let the R take lead, validate everything they say, count to ten before any answers. lol I need to count to 20 good luck and let
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
Kimmie Lee, Hi me again, grid. gee guess I should have re-read my last post before hitting submit. I attempted to post, @ cafe let H take lead on conversation not R !!!! GRRRR. For me I have been doing as you are, bite tongue and try to act very happy, day couldn't be better. Actually have been at this long enough can tell it is starting to spike my H's curiousity. (for real, just hung up phone from him Calling Me) He is sorta confused as to why I am so content with everything, etc. Not overly happy just ok with things. You might want to borrow from the library a book I am reading. The author has exercises/experiements for you to do on paper. to be honest you really need to do the paper work if you get the book. It is all a building block concept book. here is the title and check it out. I know it is helping me to answer a lot of questions and now what I do with those answers is up to me. Title: How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together Author: Susan Page hope this helps. Believe me, we all understand your confussion, pain, hope and hurt. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
