Had a decent day yesterday. My W called me up and asked me to come over and help wrap gifts for the kids. I was worried that she was going to drop a bomb on me but she didn't. We wrapped and talked. She wasn't warm but I asked her how she was doing with her new contacts and getting ready for the Firemans test. She showed me everything she bought for the kids and I listened and commented. She always loved doing that...shopping and coming home and showing everything and what kind of a deal she got on it. It was fun for me because it reminded me of old times. I think she is spending more time with the neighbor though, I hate that part. She babysat his kids for him and is having my daughter babysit tonight. I don't know if he's gone or what but I don't even ask. It really drives me crazy because I want to know what she's doing but I know I shouldn't ask. This morning I woke up and had this feeling of doubt in my mind that I really love her. I don't dream about her anymore...but during the day I think about her all the time. Part of it is this worrying about another man. I don't know if I can handle it and go back to her. I am so scared I am going to find out that she slept with someone and I will have to quit! I pray to God every night that she will stay true to me. But after hearing all this stuff about MLC I don't know if she will.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Patrick, Have you bought the book yet? Secondly I know its easier said than done but quit thinking about the OM. Its not worth it!One of the things Michele's book talks about is when you find yourself thinking about the Relationship or the other man is envision a big stop sign. Say it to yourself, say it out loud if need be. BUT DO IT! You'll do nothing but drive yourself Nucking futs! Secondly its been said here before but GAL! Do one of those hobbies , play a game with the kids, read a book just busy your mind. Hang in there Bro! G
Gman Me 40 W 30 kids B 11 B 10 D 8 Been here off and on since 06. PA Confirmed Dec 08.. With God, anything is possible. Do or do not there is no try. Sometimes you have to roll the hard six...
Yes, I have checked out at the library 5 times already. I have to say it really makes me feel better after I read the section on MLC. I am getting better at not thinking about it. It's hard though, mainly because my kids come to stay with me and talk about what they did at his house. My one D14 called me up yesterday wanting me to pick her up because she said since mom was acroos the street most of the time she might as well stay with me instead. I felt so angry that she was now getting to my kids. But I kept my cool and asked my W if it was OK if she came with me to my Brother inlaw'sfor dinner. She was a little angry but decided it was OK. My other two twin D11 were playing around on the phone while she left them home but they didn't care. I'm hoping that the kids start to realize that this guy is part of the reason our family is split and treats him accordingly but I don't promote it. I have told them in the past I don't want to hear anything about him but I have decided to let them say what the will since I am getting better at handling it. I just feel very split as to wondering if they are having a PA or they are just friends. I am sure that my wife has feelings for him but I'm not sure about him. I hate him for doing this to us whether he considers himself just a friend or not. What kind of friend would sit back and watch someone tear up their family and just keep hanging out with her when you know it is hurting her kids and destroying her marriage? I figure he is one of two things--the dumbest man alive or a snake who is trying to(or already has) gotten into my wifes pants. I hope her moral compass is still in tact because she always had a very strong moral character. But I feel like she is going to push for a D so she can start to take their R to the next level. I am so scared at times. Other times I am able to put my heart in God's hand and know that whatever happens is part of his plan for me. I just don't know how my life can get any better for my kids and I unless she asked me to come back and ended this EA. This has made me a stronger person so far, but I have weak moments too.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Had a pretty good holiday, considering. Spent Christmas with W and her family. But my W would not go to family Christmas Eve party. Her family was dissapointed and so were the kids and I. Every year we would have a big party at our house and everyone would stay till 12 or 1am. She went out to dinner with EA/friend and his ex, I think. Although she did tell me she was over at his EX's till late...And EA/friend and Ex don't usually hang out together. But they have two kids and my W has been trying to change hime lately(stop drinking, be a good father etc.) I am trying not to ask my kids any questions. But she has been over at his house quite often this week. Before I took the kids Christmas Eve my one daughter wouldn't kiss her goodbye and I tried to help my W by telling D14 to give her mom a kiss and hug. W started to cry so I came over to her and held her and I whispered to her that our D14 still love's her and that she was still a very special person to me and that if she changed her mind and came to the party we would like it. She responded well and held on to me for about 10 seconds or so. But she never came that night. When i brought over the kids to open presents in the morning we were running late so I called. She was miffed and when we got there she was across the street with him and his kids--in her PJ's. I don't think she was there earlier but I don't KNOW anything. I am trying so hard to ignore these things but it is VERY tough. But after looking around the house and realizing she wan't there, I asked one of the kids to run over and get mom. When she got there a few minutes later I said good morning and gave her a good long hug and said Merry Christmas. She held on for a while and I cut it short. But it was nice. I am trying so hard to believe her that this guy is just a friend but I go from feeling I'm a fool to thinking maybe she is just a EA and she doesn't realize it. Anyhow, we had fun opened gifts, made breakfast and ran to her folks. She kind of stayed away from me most of time there but I had fun with everybody and the kids enjoyed it. Before I left I hugged everybody goodbye and saved her for last. She gave me a very warm and long hug in front of everyone and whispered "Thank You" in my ear. It was so nice to hold her for those precious seconds. So I'll take it! Now I am getting nervous because the Holidays are almost over and she may start pushing for a D. I kept telling her I wouldn't talk about it during the holidays. We had takled about an amicable divorce a month ago but I have decided to stand for the marriage. So, any ideas on what I should do if she brings it up again??
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Had another bad day yesterday. My D14 calls me again and wants me to pick her up. Says that my w is making her eat over at the neighbor OM house and she doesn't want to. My W thinks I have been filling her head with negative stuff about her and the OM. I tell her I'm sorry she feels that way but maybe she should talk to D14 about it and that I am not saying anything about the OM or her. She asks me again, 1 day after Christmas if I can come over and go over D papers with her. I tell her I am standing for our marriage and she will have to do it by herself. She confirms to me that she is dating the neighbor. I played it off pretty good, like it didn't bother me, but it crushed me. She say's I'm making her miserable and I'm trying to take her family away from her and her kids. But she is doing the exact thing that I accused her of 4 months ago. I can only hope that this neighbor gets sick of her hanging around all the time. His old GF only came over on the weekends and he had the entire week to himself. I got tanked with my friends last night at my house and had a good cry when they all left. I feel better today though. Now I'm just scared that if she goes to see a lawyer they will try to bury me. I have maint a joint account with her this whole time and paid the mortgage and bills (plus my rental) and never hid any money. Now I'm not sure if I should start to seperate our money. I'm afraid it will push her further away. She has no income right now.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Your multiuple threads had me confused--I had meant ot be posting here and not on the children thread.
Why were you not receiving responses lately--well it does take time.
But you were journaling without specific questions. Have you responded on my thread since I last posted? Has anyone--nope. I didn't ask for advice either. I journaled. That's a great thing to do. But if you really want us to say something, sometimes you have to tell us. Sometimes people email me when they want me to read their threads--email, ask on your thread, post to other people's threads. Hang out and you will get responses.
An another lesson: Patience I'll try to respond here instead of the children thread--to the stuff I was saying there. But I may get lost.
