I'm a newbie-H is MLC-Lovely!!!

[MrsLBW]

Ok gang, if I am being honest with everyone including myself I have to admit that I like this other guy. But-keep reading: I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK. The other guy is a distraction for me at this point. And he knows everything that I am going through. We are nothing more than friends now, because he is devoting himself to his children now (he has been legally separated for 4 years) and I don't want him to get hurt by getting too close and have me get back with H. Meeting this other guy has helped me take my mind off my sitch and to DB better. He was a left behind spouse also whose wife had OM. So, he gives advice and suggestions. He tells me that I should do everything I can to keep the marriage together. This has also shown me a little of what my H is feeling for this OW. He has sworn that they are just friends-but who knows. I can honestly say that I have done nothing wrong.

So, when I say "date"-it's just 2 people getting together for a meal or drinks and talking. Nothing more. But, I worry about what other people might think. I have other male friends, as a matter of fact one of my attendants in our wedding was a guy.

And while on the honesty train here, I told H that I was giving him his freedom to get a reaction. I know it was risky, but I am so tired of living in limbo I wanted to change the rules a little. They have been his rules for months now and I wanted to, I guess, speed things up. I suppose that is another reason I want him to think I am dating. I am in a place now that I feel the need to "turn a page". If the risky move I made makes him leave me for good, then he doesn't want me badly enough and then why do I want to have him? And if he leaves me for good, I know that I can find someone else in time, that I won't have to be alone and that I will survive. But he needed a slap in the head.

I have found out these last few months that I don't need a man. But I do want one. The one I want most is my H. But if he can't snap out of it and come back to me on his own, I might not be waiting. I think that these guys-these cake eaters-think that we will always be waiting for them. Well, maybe this is his reality check.

I am sick of the rollercoaster.