I see it a way to shock and wake her up from this one sided thinking.
If your iwfe is in MLC there is no way to prevent it. If you pull her out of the MLC tunnel she will return immeditaely or later for a trip that is MUCH worse.
MLC is a crisis of identity. What you are doing by preventing this crisis is not allowing her to find her identity. Identity crises don't wait for a convenient time. If the time were convenient, there would likely be less need for crisis.
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I'm scared and willing to do anything to get her back.
Are you willing enough to do NOTHING?
Fear prevents that. But as you release your fear, you can sit back and let go. You are not directing this movie. It will likely happen whether regardless of you feelings and pain. In MLC DB'ing for reconciliation is for the future. What can you do now to pave a safe path for your wife AFTER her crisis?
You cannot, will not and should not prevent this crisis. It is her opportunity. It can be a painful process, but the rewards can be great. Do you want to deprive her of that?
You have a choice in this. You can choose to accept the process and then work on your Self, work toward detaching and surrending. OR you can fight it like drowning man. So what do you want to do, float or fight?
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I have been Dbing pretty well since I moved out. But it doesn't seem to be working too well.
It may be working just fine. The problem is with your goal. You have been DB'ing to change her mind. DB to change you. You will not change her mind (if this is MLC). She must discover who she truly is, deal with her past issues and then reintegrate her Self. DB'ing lays a foundation for rebuilding LATER.
MLC is a jounrey to go through, not something to cure or get OVER.
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She is still very angry, suspicious, and self centered...
Get used to it; this is a long jounrey.
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maybe I'm not cut out for this?
In all things we have a choice. Change your cut. You can choose to handle this. The choice itself is simple, DOING IT, LIVING IT, that is the challenge and the reward. Did you mean it when you spoke your vows? Did you say 'til death do us part? It is a misconception that marriage is easy. It's not easy. It's great, rewarding, joyful, but it takes work. You may have been existin within your marriage, taking it for granted. Now comes the work, and maybe since you may not have been doing the necessary work for awhile, you have to work overtime now.
You are cut out for this if you say you are. What you believe can be made true.
