MIL.. wow.. I actually think she intentionally pushed dinner late to prevent us from going to the movies. I'm not completely sure but that's how it sounded. H had told his sister about our plans, and suddenly MIL's dinner wasn't going to be ready on time (normally when she cooks it's done HOURS early and she has to reheat everything). H called to tell me he couldn't make it home in time and a bit of what happened. Very glad that he called. We talked about going later this week, instead.
I'm sorry.. I know I can't control her.. but what a freaking B****H MIL is being if what I suspect is true. H did not sound too happy about it either.
I'm disappointed but it's ok.. really frustrated with MIL's actions more than anything.
Getting the house all ready to make it a very nice brunch tomorrow AM, so that's a great distraction!
Last edited by NikB; 12/25/0704:14 AM.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Getting the house all ready to make it a very nice brunch tomorrow AM, so that's a great distraction!
What time can I arrive? Sorry about the movies... Sounds like things are looking up between you and your H. W put some Hershey kisses in my Christmas stocking...
Of course I would have rather kissed her in only her Christmas stockings... but hey making progress. Who knows by next month I may be holding her hand.... Have a great day Nikki, Enjoy and don't worry I won't show up. Well not physically anyway.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hope all went well last night. Even though I am only working half a day today and wanted to give W time by her self to read and think about the letter..... Like I said before it's been 8 months....is there really a right time?? I am sending it today.
ya got Mail
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
H - ha, you're funny! Sounds like you had a great holiday, so glad to hear it.
Things are looking ..well.. it's hard to explain. When it's just me and H, things seem to be getting MUCH better. But with his whole family basically now pretending I don't exist (completely ignored me for Christmas for example).. it makes me wonder what's going on. He's been really sweet lately though - even little things like noticing what I'm wearing and complimenting me, helping more w/chores, things like that. When we're "just us" things seem great.
Christmas went very well! Christmas morning we snuggled for awhile in bed, then got up and exchanged stockings. It's something I wasn't sure we'd do until a few days ago and I'm so glad we did. I like "our" time together that morning so much. I put some treats in our dog's stocking and H video taped her burying her head in the stocking as far as possible to get a mouthful of treats. She remembers her stocking even though it's only once a year - she gets SO excited when we put them up, and stares at it every day waiting for "the day" when we finally give it to her.
Anyway H was video taping and laughing and I said "I know, she's cute huh?" He gave me a very sweet look and said "You're both cute!" He gave me some really thoughtful things in my stocking, and liked everything that I got for him as well.
Other gifts from him were some neat accessories for my car, and a beautiful new jacket (no it's not pink! it's tan). He was very excited about the jacket - that was what he's been talking about. He liked my gifts to him also, so that was good. He was kind of upset about the DVD player at first and I couldn't quite figure out why. Later in the night we talked and he thought it was one of those super expensive HD ones and was afraid I'd spent way too much on it - I told him no, it was a nice one but sort of an "in between" regular and HD (it's an "up-converting" one), so he was much happier with it after that. He hooked it up while I was at my dad's for dinner and he LOVES it - excited about how well it works, how the sound system works better now, etc. Pretty cool.
We had a nice brunch w/my friend and my mom, then opened gifts for a bit. Had a really good time! I felt bad because my Mom and I exchanged a LOT of gifts this year (I kept picking up little things I thought she'd like all year and she kinda did the same). So my poor friend was sitting here watching us open gifts for an hour or so.. I said I hoped we didn't bore her to death and she said she actually really misses doing that w/her family so it was nice to be part of the "gift exchange." I had given her and her dog small gifts too so they enjoyed those. My mom also got me a jacket - I must look cold lately!! Perfect though, it's a different style and it's black, so now I have jackets for every occasion. I will be warm this winter!
H had to leave kinda early to go over to SIL's house. He looked guilty when he left. I know he feels bad about how they are treating me right now. Although I am pretty upset about it I didn't act that way, glad I pulled that off. Just told him have fun and say hi for me.
Went over to my dad's for dinner and it was pretty surreal. Stepmom and stepbro spent Christmas Eve there (so they could be there "for Santa" with my sis). They did gifts in the morning and actually all stayed there all day - that surprised me!! So when I got there the whole family was basically there hanging out and had just started watching a movie. It just looked SO normal. Except that stepmom's gifts and such were all bagged up by the front door along w/her clothes and overnight stuff, for when she left.
We watched Hairspray - I'd seen it before and liked it so it was fun to watch again. It's a very upbeat movie! In between we cooked dinner. I could tell Dad was bugging stepmom a bit and managed to redirect him so that was good. She was cooking and he asked if he could help - she asked him to set the table, and he kept asking her weird questions - "should we use a tablecloth or placemats" (reply: "I don't care, use whatever you want") Dad: "Where do we keep the tablecloths?" (reply: "It's your house, I don't know, where DO you keep them?"). From dad's side it was fairly obvious reasons to keep reminding her it was "our" house, "our" stuff, etc. She was getting more and more annoyed and he just kept doing it. I finally went out in the kitchen and found the tableclothes (hey whaddaya know, same drawer they've been in for the last 5 years! who'd have guessed ). Then I took Dad with me in the other room to help set the table. I also kinda whispered to him "If you ask her where you keep the plates I'm going to smack you!" (joking tone, but he got the point). Sometimes I think it's good for me to see my Dad as the "What not to do" WAS example. Seeing it live and in action REALLY drives the DB principles home for me.
Dinner went pretty well. Stepbro's away at college so that gave us a lot to talk about, not too many awkward silences. After that we exchanged gifts and finished the movie. It was so hard when everyone left though. Went from 'happy normal family day' to empty house... sis and stepbro both went to stepmom's. Dad said "This is where it gets bittersweet. I miss her so much. I miss this so much." Broke my heart. I had a hard time leaving but I knew I couldn't stay there too much longer or we'd both start wallowing.. so I helped clean up a bit then went home. I'll call today to make sure he's ok.
So... very long Christmas update!! All went well, I think - better than I even dared to hope for.
Looking forward to a much better 2008, whatever way things go!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
The more I think about it the more confused I get.. it's just WEIRD. H and I had a really wonderful Christmas together. But I was excluded, completely, from his family. No cards, gifts, pointedly "not" invited to their get togethers. He never put his ornaments on the tree.. it has all of mine on it, but no topper (we always put that up together; he didn't mention it, I didn't want to bring it up). He will bend over backwards to NOT ask me to get or do anything (i.e. I'll ask if he needs anything from the store on my way out the door, he'll say no, then go to the store himself to pick something up a few hours later). When I think about those things, I almost feel like he's slowly shutting me out of his life.
And yet.. again, Christmas was really good. He has totally cut off both EAs (or so it seems) - he hasn't said that direcctly but he no longer texts either of them, comes home right after work, tells me where he's going and who with when I don't even ask, etc. Lots of kisses, hugs, compliments... and he talks more about the future. Not years ahead, but weeks and sometimes months - which is much different. He talks about racing more again and is excited about a new car he's getting. He talks about "us" going to those upcoming races together. When I look at THOSE things, it feels almost like he's "trying" again - that same way he was trying before when I didn't see it but he was clearly doing a lot of processing in his head.
I'm not obsessing about it, just getting it out there as it's stuff that's rattling around in my head.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hi Nikki - Glad to hear your Christmas was good. In-law sitch is weird. Sounds like your H is getting some sort of pressure from them. I think this is a great opportunity for you to give him more space. Let them be the ones that pressure him and force his hand - that makes you look so much more attractive! He seems to have run from this sort of pressure in the past when you were trying to get your M to work. I don't think he likes having his hand forced in any direction.
I can imagine how difficult it is to be excluded and without explanation from any of them. I give you credit for not breaking down and asking H WTH is going on. I would have cracked weeks ago. I think not asking is good though - it gives him the space to act the way he pleases and he can do it without any pressure.
Sounds like you are in a really good place! Em
Last edited by ediemarie; 12/27/0707:14 PM.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
That is weird , however there is little that surprises me these days. Its almost like two different personalities.
The "I dont want anything from you " person then the person that uses "us" and "we" and talks as if there is a future together.
I think its the "not totaly gone" personality (we should call them NTG's rather than WAS's). For example my W will do the same and not want me to do anything for her, then a few days later I am riding my bike and see her drive past in my car! , picking it up from home and using it just as if we were still together. She will say " we should get " or other things that indicate that she thinks there will be a we , then later say its too late , all over blah blah if I ask her out.
If you try and figure this stuff out you are going to go crazy . I think they follow feelings rather than logic , have no plan , no goal. Just lost.
but hey making progress. Who knows by next month I may be holding her hand....
it's tan). He was very excited about the jacket - that was what he's been talking about. He liked my gifts to him also, so that was good. He was kind of upset about the DVD player at first and I couldn't quite figure out why. Later in the night we talked and he thought it was one of those super expensive HD ones and was afraid I'd spent way too much on it - I told him no, it was a nice one but sort of an "in between" regular and HD (it's an "up-converting" one), so he was much happier with it after that. He hooked it up while I was at my dad's for dinner and he LOVES it - excited about how well it works, how the sound system works better now, etc. Pretty cool. 
). Then I took Dad with me in the other room to help set the table. I also kinda whispered to him "If you ask her where you keep the plates I'm going to smack you!" (joking tone, but he got the point). Sometimes I think it's good for me to see my Dad as the "What not to do" WAS example. Seeing it live and in action REALLY drives the DB principles home for me.