HD I vote for a frank discussion. I think Lil has said what she would prefer the R to be/look like and bf hasn't done all the steps. IE they don’t mesh.
He is her neighbor and telling/asking him to do "A" "B" "C" won't get Lil anywhere because bf is the type that usually doesn't respond to direct requests or demands.
I wasn't saying Lil should fade out the R to see what bf will do as in maybe he will see the R dimming and step up to the plate.
I can see bf as a possible type of guy that just wants to be part time friends like book club members would be friends.
If bf is the type that gets revenge or pi$$y, having too big of a discussion could lead him become a poor neighbor.
Remember, bf said Lil is too pushy and demanding.
It is up to Lil, does she want a friendly neighbor, or a resentful neighbor? I am not saying there won't be other good, middle of the road outcomes.
Many neighbor's houses are only 30ft apart. I think Lil and bf's house are several hundred ft. apart. From what I know of the physical location of the two adjacent properties, if he or she became resentful neighbors, there is enough distance between the houses it shouldn't cause a large problem.
Somehow I think Lil can work in some of the issues brought up in C and tell bf why she is backing off. She can say she liked the way bf improved his life and R with her and she still wants "X" "Y" "Z" which isn't something she thinks bf wants or can do.
Lil doesn't have to blame or label bf as coming up short in "X" "Y" "Z" areas if she puts those things in a group of what is different about each one of them.
Like me, I am a nice guy but not a big spender when it comes to cruises or interior decorating. The nicest woman in the world would be very unhappy with me if her main joy in life was going on cruises and redecorating every year.
HD, maybe drifting is a wussy way out. I was thinking about not making any enemies, preserving a few potential future benefits bf might be as a neighbor.
If I was Lil and had to tell bf anything, the first thing I would say is something like the following.
"We have been seeing each other for 5? years and this is the extent of our R. I was hoping for something different.
We tried 3/5 C's and this is the progress we made. Here is where I wanted to be in 5 years. (fill in the blanks (FIB)). We aren't there and I don't see us ever getting there. I can imagine some of my goals will make you unhappy and I don't want to do that. I don't want to be unhappy either.
You have your mother, AA, the bar, and (FIB things he does well or has improved) to take care of and I am happy to see you doing so well in those areas.
I don't see us making much progress and don't want to continue like we have been. There are too many unanswered questions so I want to remain friendly neighbors but want to do some things on my own.
Maybe that is still too wussie for some people??????
