I have given gifts like that before. In fact, she has two gift certificates, one for a massage that I gave her one Christmas, and at another Christmas, one for a facial. Neither one has been used. Why? Who knows.
I have offered a few times that I would be home with the children so she could enjoy the experience without having them tag along. She does not want to do that either. I don't know what to think. I told her that she could do this on a Saturday and if necessary, she could do this when I don't have to work like when I take a few days off here or there. Nothing doing. I gave her and 20th anniversary gift with the card this past May, I received nothing. I feel like I am in a loose, loose situation in buying her gifts that she has no intention of using.
Last year, I gave her, I don't know the exact number, 4 or 5 stocking stuffers and 4 or 5 gifts under the tree. I made sure not to give gifts like jewelry, or love things because that would pressure her. Not one of them has been used. I know that for a fact because in going through the video's in the master bedroom, I was looking for a movie to watch one day, and found the CD I gave her, it was still wrapped in the cellophane so it was unopened. And the movie is her favorite Hitchcok movie, "Rear Window" with Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly. One was returned because she told me so. One is still in the box unopened in the garage. The perfume I gave her is in the hall closet, unopened. It was a perfume she always used when she worked full time before we had children. The others, I don't remember what I bought her.
Putting up our Christmas tree a few weeks ago was interesting. My son found an ornament I gave her in 1987, the year we were married. It read, "Love is the Miracle of the Heart, 1987" She told my son sternly, "I don't want that thing up." My son said its an ornament so he said he was going to put it up and then my wife said, put it in the back of the tree where it won't be seen.
Another time, recently, my son happened to make a mess of taking all the video's out. He found our wedding video. He said, look at what I found? My wife got angry, grabbed the video from his hand, threw it against the wall saying, "I never want to see this thing again." Then left.
She has a lot of anger issues that she can't or is unwilling to get past them. I look at her when she is not looking or think of her when alone and feel sorry for her. She could improve her life so much if she would ask God for help. I know enough to know not to preach to her and tell her that though. I am worried about her soul though. If she does not forgive, how can she expect God to forgive her when her time is up?
My hope is that if she would read some things in the Bible and meditate on it like maybe how it applies to her, she will have a change of heart. I can't change a harden heart, only God can.
So should I get her another gift, now, this stage in the game? That would get her upset and she will tell me that I am doing that because she gave me more gifts then I thought and felt guilty.
Do I write her a thank you note??? I did say that when I saw the number of presents, "I didn't expect that, especially when Katie said earlier about a week ago that I got one gift from mom and the kids." Quite honestly, I expected nothing from my wife or the kids until my daughter shared that with me. I did not expect my wife to buy me a gift from just her to me. I expected just the one gift based on what my daughter told me. I knew I was going to buy her a gift but figured I will just get her one gift. Why waste my hard earned money to buy her something she has no intention of using because it came from me.
I wanted to get her something personal and so I gave her the bible, it was from me and the kids. Last Christmas I made her feel guilty because I bought her some things, and she gave me nothing, not even from the kids, so I didn't want to repeat the same mistake.
So what am I supposed to think with the signals she is giving me? Maybe she expects me to be a mind reader. But one of the traits of men, other wives (my neighbors and others) have told me this, men tend to be clueless. Well if the wives that I have come across, including my own have stated that men are clueless, then let them in on it and tell them.
