I just found this book after wondering for months what I was doing wrong.
My DH and I have been together for three years. In the beginning, sex was great. We would have sex several times a week. Then he began having issues at work and we didn't have sex for 5 months. I got upset about it and he had made a comment about him thinking our relationship wasn't based on sex, I told him how unloved and unattractive I felt he vowed to work on things.
Things were ok for a couple of months, then things slid again. I got upset again, he vowed to work on things, and this became our cycle. For about two months after I would talk to him, we would have sex at least once a week, at max once every two weeks (which while I would have preferred more, I could accept), then things would slide again that it would be two to three months with nothing and I would become upset and tell him this bothered me and he vows to work on things.
A couple of months ago I told him that this cycle repeating was wearing on me and that each time I felt more and more angry at him. He vowed to work on things and guess what?
Here we are again. After another two months of him not touching me, I cry myself to sleep at night. I am a non confrontational person and he wants us to go to bed at the same time, so we do and I lay there and cry because he does not touch me sexually. He gives me a peck on the lips (and I mean just a peck), he puts his arm around me (which I sometimes just want to push away because it doesn't mean anything right?), he tells me goodnight and he loves me, and he goes right to sleep. And I cry. I lay there and wonder why he married me. He obviously doesn't love me, he doesn't find me attractive, what was wrong?
About a year ago, I saw an article that stated the men displayed love by sex. I showed him the article and asked if this were true. He said that it was. I have been so depressed thinking he didn't love me because he would not initiate lovemaking and would often turn me down when I initiated.
I just started reading this book and already I can not believe how like us this book is. I was beginning to think that maybe I should move into the spare bedroom. I know it is just the start of my journey, but I already feel better knowing that there may be a solution to this madness. I feel better knowing that other people have the same issue. I also feel a lot better knowing that he probably really does love me with all his heart as he states.
