Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 2

[phbear316]

EM

Yes, especially today, i would like to be home with the covers over my head. Just a grey and gloomy day to say the least.

I am so scared to do like you did start talking about D, and splitting furnature. I am not at that point yet. I am afaid that if i start saying that it just makes it easier for h to go ahead with D. Even though h does not talk about it, it would be a green light to him to feel like ok, she wants out of this, lets go with it.I don't want to give him that power, or idea. I don't want a divorce. I cannot call his bluff right now, maybe in the future i will be but right now no.

Thanks for your help and support
phbear

[phbear316]

I just love the way, h just tries to change stories. H just called his am call like all week. He is talking and he then comes out with oh,um tonight there is a meeting for new hires and then they are going out to houlihans after wards. He says he is going to try to catch up with them call to see if the meeting is over and see if they are still there at restaurant.

Now I did not say a word when he told me, just did not give any answer. (keep in mind in the past i would have been invited). Now get this the other day, i read his email reguarding this, it is a end of the year get together for all staff at local houlihans. No meeting. I just cannot believe the lies he
tells.
I did ask h if he was all packed, and he said almost, and then he told me i thought i had a stopover flight but its direct and he gave me the flight number. Ok was my reply. I knew it was a non stop flight, don't know why he would lie to me that it was. Again don't know this person anymore. Wished h luck with mailing a package home, h then says do you want me to call you when i get to the airport? I said that is up to you, if you want. H says ok i will call you when i get to the airport later. I did not reply.

Amazing, truly amazing.

phbear

[ediemarie]

I know you don't want a divorce. I don't/didn't want one either. I had/have made that abundantly clear to my H. And he didn't really want one either. If he did, he would have filed. But I also didn't want to stay in a marriage where I was being walked all over and held no power. I didn't want ALL the power - a team-like atmosphere was ideal. And we're working towards that, but in order for me to be a team player I had to be comfortable with who I was.

You deserve so much more. It's ok to demand it. Give yourself permission to be angry and to grieve. Yes, you risk losing H, but at the same time, you don't have him right now anyway. You've already lost him. He said your M was over. I know you want to fight for it with all you have, but the one way you may be able to save it is by letting it go. Your old R didn't work. Your new one can't be built on the old. Focus on you. Make decisions that make you happy.

A few threads that may help: SallyM in Surviving and NikB in We're Separated may be extremely helpful to you. NikB is amazing! That woman has really turned her sitch upside down in a very positive way.

Yick to the lies - BTDT! Nothing more nauseating or confusing, especially when they're about stupid stuff!!

[phbear316]

EM

I want to fight for our marriage, our new marriage, our new friendship, our new relationship with each other. You are right i have been thinking of it that way for a while, the old is over i cannot bring it back we have to start new.

I look at it this way right now, i am like a leaf floating on the water, trying not to sink to the bottom, to stay afloat for as long as possible.

I just heard there are delays at the airport, so h will be late coming in. Do you think i will tell him, absolutely not. H should call the airport, to find out, he could go to dinner with his family for the last time. Now it will be interesting to see if he will make the night out at houlihans. Don't think he will he is not scheduled to land till after 10 as of now. And we all know how airport traffic goes.

I know i am not the brightest but what does BTDT mean, i have been racking my brain all afternoon. That seems to be my h's mo lately lies, after lies, after lies. Someone just told me he was in AC seen with ow at state confrence. He told me he was not taking her and going alone. I had a coworker down there who said he did not see him with anyone, so some one is lying and my guess is my h.

I have also decided to leave the presents under the tree for h. I will take up the card, and i will not give him the gift cards until his b-day, or unless he comes bearing gifts for me. I will let that play out.

bear

[ediemarie]

BTDT - been there done that. (Sorry about that - I remember seeing that for the first time and racking my brain all afternoon too.) I caught my H in every lie imaginable. I get how annoying/disrespectful/immature/unbelievable/etc it is. Frustrating too!

Bear - you have to do what works for you and your situation. I don't believe that there really are any written rules that apply to every situation. There aren't any guarantees. Keep doing what you are doing and eventually you will find out that you don't have to float - you can swim. It takes time. It took me 1 year and 3 months to stop floating and start swimming. You'll get there.

Em

[phbear316]

Em

Thanks. Yes lol could not figure that one out, but oh got it now. Lol

I feel if i try to swim now I will be splashing and making waves which is not what i want to do right now. H called to tell me his flight was delayed, i knew ( did not tell him i knew) H just called again to tell me they are boarding ok i said well have a safe flight and i will see you when i see you. He says yea i'm still going to try to make it to houlihans tonight, but i don't know depends on what time i get in, but i will call them to see if they are still there. I just said up to your just remember you have to wait for luggage, and go to long term parking if your not getting in till after 10 30 it will most likely be a hour before you even leave airport property. H says oh yea i did not think about that. So i have two schools of thought, h really wants to meet with new staff, or ow is supposed to be there (not staff memeber) and he will be keeping her waiting. So it will be interesting if he goes or not. OH well, We will see what he decides to do, i know i will either be watching tv crocheting or in bed reading. Gifts will be under the tree, i will not say one word about them. He is a big boy he can figure out what to do.

bear

[Jeanette1120]

This meeting is the night he gets home right?

[phbear316]

Hi Jeanette

Yes, he arrives after 1030, they were all supposed to meet after the meeting around 9pm. Meeting was most likely 7 or 630pm.

How is your son doing up here?

bear

[Jeanette1120]

Josh is doing well.

bear

there is so many things I want to say to you in regards to your last post. I could hardly believe what I read. I'm sorry, please please do not let this hurt your feelings but damn bear.....you again are talking to him like HIS MOTHER

your h is lying
he is guilty
he feels bad
your condoning it

time out bear. time to let him GO. If you want to leave the presents out for him sobeit. reward him for his good behavior.

jump over to mlc and check out just how far and how long the lies continue. even when they no longer matter they lie.

sigh ...

bear, this is so unfair, and your so loving that it breaks my heart to read what this moron is doing to you. It truly does.

Jeanette

[phbear316]

Jeanette

Oh please don't be mad at me, maybe it does not sound or type right the way the conversation went with him. Trust me this is a total 180 for me. I would have been oh so sorry your flight delayed, make sure you get something to eat, blah, blah, blah.

I said that so sarcastically about him not getting out of the airport for like an hour because he did not realize it, i really think he forgot he parked in long term parking at the airport, it takes like a half and hour to get to your car, after luggage pick up. I think he thought i was going to pick him up like i USED to. not this time his decision to drive, so he has to wait in the cold for a bus. I actually find it funny.

I am far from being his mother right now, trust me. Like i said i find the whole have to run out to go with my friends or ow so funny. H is barely going to make it. I am sure most people will be gone, due to working tomorrow. And if she stays and waits for him, so be it, seems she is controlling him on a puppet string. Maybe she will be impatient with him, and leave before he gets there even if she is there. She may not be. I cannot care, Just having a chuckle to myself about it

I know he is lying to me, i know i have gotten to the point i believe nothing that h says anymore.

The gifts are under the tree for they are for christmas, not a reward for good behavior, they are gifts that is all. They have no sentimental meaning to me right now, nothing. Don't be mad if you think they are a reward to him. I took back the ones i could really use if i don't give them to him for his bday. Gift cards

I am letting him go tonight i cannot stop him from racing to the place tonight, he is doing it, i just said well see you when i see you.

ANd what is this i read you had surgery and did not tell. Mad at you, No I'm not , are you ok?

love
bear