I am pissed but you must know that I don't ever express myself that way to him nor appear pissed. I was just writing out in words the angry scenario or the poor me scenario and how it sounds to him in his head regardless of how I actually say it. So I don't say it anymore and haven't for almost a year. I am pissed because in my view ANYONE OF ANY LIBIDO would recognize that 10 months is TOO LONG NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH A SPOUSE WHO HAS REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU THAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX AN AVERAGE OF 3-4 times/week. Just because they quit saying it doesn't mean it has gone away.
The reason the gift convo was painful was becuase H was so pained by it. I am pained only because I am caught in the middle. My parents were disappointed that he wasn't pleased and my Mom went so far as to say that it hurt her on behalf of my Dad (who doesn't shop) who had personally chosen the leather jacket for H in appreciation of H doing such a wonderful job parenting all the Grandkids. I told H that I thought he had a terrible skewed relationship with all things related to gift giving and that he would be a lot happier if he did the work to untwist it. I told him that I cannot be his counselor and do that. He agreed with everything I said but looked so miserable it then became impossible to proceed with any other "issues" that there might be in our life, like sex.
I have no shame about wanting sex in our marriage. I don't like the priests in our parish. One is holier than thou in all his homilies and would be likely to say, "It is your cross to bear." The other is a really nice guy but is unlikely to be able to get that message across to H. H has had issues and difficulties with the church that would make him a less than enthusiastic recipient of their advice.
Miss IC,
I have been divorced. I know, for a fact, that the process alone and everything that follows is worse than having a sex starved M with a a man who is generally loving, kind, great parent, good financial custodian, does chores, fun to be around, supports me in my work and as a person etc... All of those things are why I stay. My prior experience with D is why I don't go. If H didn't bring the positives to the table, if he treated me like crap, if he couldn't keep a job, if he treated the kids badly then the pain of D wouldn't weigh out like it does. I can't D on behalf of having a SL, I just can't do it. And even though I could find a dozen penny ante reasons to throw in too to make it sound better - the truth would be that sex was the only reason. MJ and Corri had other very significant reasons, sex was merely a by-product. I don't pretend that there are no other issues but they just aren't that significant and I'm not motivated to go around looking for more significant stuff to justify myself.
Lil,
Yeah - I know we have a bunch of people on here who don't know the history. You have it right. Frankly, one of my issues with the church dispensing marital advice is that I'm not sure how celibate people expect to do so with any credibility whatsoever. I don't think that their "marriage to Jesus" is in any way comparable to a marriage between mortals.
