Hi, ms ladybug, I just read your entire sitch. Much of what you say about your H is true of mine. He, too is a cop, has been for 13 yrs. The unreasonable anger, the yelling, being wishy-washy about what he wants, etc.. My H doesn't do them so much now, but during the summer of '06, he was so awful, I was really afraid sometimes. I sometimes thought it was the fear of losing his job was what kept him from really losing it with me. He, too has treated me as though I were one of his suspects, as though I was only lying to keep out of trouble, he was (because of ow's influence, when she had no one at her pristine house to clean up after) constantly on me (and still is to some extent) about the cleanliness, or lack thereof, in our house, and car. We live in the south, so if yall move to the south, he should know it's not going to be just helping old ladies cross the street, there is a huge meth problem here, too. I can only wonder if your H has had either a close call with a thug, had another cop get hurt or killed and it has affected him, or something else, that has made him think idealistically of the genteel south, and want to move his family somewhere he feels would be safer. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of places here that are still very low crime, but no place is immune, unfortunately. I imagine there are places where you are now that are fairly low crime, too, and maybe yall could compromise if it came to that. Why not talk with him about his fears and ask if he is afraid for yall. Perhaps some ego stroking is in order. I know it has helped with my H, he needed me to validate his worth to me, and his feelings.
I still wonder if ow is totally out of the picture, but I am trying my darnedest to make our marriage better. To me, he tries very little if at all, but perhaps it's because I am the one thinking about it so much of my time.
As for the stupid counselor he is seeing, that sucks! thank goodness, if my H's sarge notices anything he is a very religious man who puts up with no nonsense, and would speak to him in a kind way. Also he sometimes has talked to the chaplain, so that may be a suggestion for your H, to speak with the chaplain at his precinct. It would maybe be better that that C he is seeing now. Plus, since the chaplain is most likely a man, it could be better advice coming from him.
I just wanted to drop by with my little ol' 2cents worth. I hope things get better soon, it sounds like he is a cop in the bouts of a MLC or something.
