Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 2

[ediemarie]

Bear - you are doing well. You are still going to work even though this is awful. I know you'd rather be in bed with the covers over your head, but you aren't. You are doing well. Even if you are just going through the motions you are better off than checking out completely.
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You are right, i have to stop thinking about his reactions, i have always done this put him first, what would he think about xy or z. I know right now i will not be ok if the marriage ends. I have to change that, i know i do.

This recognition is HUGE. Now you will focus on thinking about what you want and you deserve what you want. H wants to find solace in the arms of another, you can make any choice you want. Tough? Yes, at first. But just wait until you start doing things because you like to without waiting for his ok or his approval. I, too, used to wait for H to give me the "nod". I don't now. And our M is better off for it.
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Interesting that you H says your M is over but has never mentioned divorce. What does he think that means? My H also used to say that our M is over, but when I started talking about which furniture he wanted me to leave behind when the D was final he would shudder. He didn't like the idea of D'ing and he also didn't like the idea of living with a spouse that was upset by his actions. But I figured if he wants to say our M is over, well, here you go. Our M is over. I'm out of here. It never got to that point but I figured if he wanted to talk about being done, so could I. Basically, I called his bluff.

Bear - you are doing well. No one is made at you. You are handling this the best you can. We all recognize that and we are all here to support you!

Hugs,
Em