Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 2

[phbear316]

Jeanette

I know you were not being mean about the anger with inlaws. I am not angry anymore, i was hurt the other day. I have moved on, i forgave them and myself for being angry with them. Yes blood is thicker than water, always will be. I want to keep a relationship with them all, but i know it will never be the way it used to be. I have to look at it that it will be different maybe even better in some way.

I just don't know about the gifts, why is everyone so against it? I made the shadow box because i wanted to. To tell you the truth, i was tired of that medal hanging on the kitchen door knob since Jan. So i make the box, i am not happy with the way it came out, but i did it. I took the gift cards and put them in my drawer, maybe for his b-day, in a few weeks. The chocolate who cares, i could say its from the cat. And the longjohns replacement. Everyone deserves a gift on chistmas, mine is h will be coming home, to return to the couch to sleep. H making dinner, and small conversations initiated by him. If i get the bonus of going out to dinner, great if not, ok.

I will continue going to the gym, going shopping, and doing more and more things for me. Have to take baby steps with this, but i will do it.

If he feels guilty about the gifts so be it. I know h said has been looking for a certain gift for me but was unable to find it. I now hold control, so if h says lets go and look for the gift i wanted to get you, i can say no, i do not want it. I don't have to go shopping for it or look on line for it. I don't have to and i won't. If this puts guilt on h so be it. I am not looking to make anyone feel guilty, or hurt him or push him out the door. In fact i did tell him i had a few gifts for him before he left and i told him i replaced his longjohns. So he knows about them, they are nothing special. Actually all gifts with no feeling from me.

I do know when i get home, i am taking the card away. That right now to me feels like pressure what the card stated. They are under the tree right for right now. I will not meantion them when he gets home, he will see them and can open them when he wants. If he does not, i will just open them and put the longjohns in the wash, and put the shadow box on top of the entertainment center, chocolate in the fridge, after a sample of course.

thank you, and don't be mad at me please. I am trying
hugs
bear