A lot of us would be pretty happy if we even got it once a month! Still I understand your frustration. You mentioned kids. My W pretty much won't consider ML if the kids are anywhere in the house. What happens if you guys get away alone for a weekend?
I am also intrigued by the premise of the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy", which I have yet to read. You are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. If you spend every free moment with her and "honey-do" every time she asks, you are perceived as being weak. But if I went golfing, skiing, bike-riding or poker-playing even one-tenth of the times I wanted to, I would catch he!! aplenty.
Also, look for "oases in the desert." You may have convinced yourself that 90% of the month is off-limits for ML. But your W is not a machine. She may be interested once in a while during the 90%, and you may not be watching for signs of interest because you are convinced that they couldn't be happening.
Your marriage isn't sexless yet, but the spigot may run dry soon. I know that whining doesn't work. I'm not sure, however, about what does work.
Still I understand your frustration. 