New and Improving

[lizzy]

So I have no idea what all of this means. Don't know if H is starting to want to be a family again or not. I mentioned something about H taking Ds to a movie as I have an app. w/ C in the morning. They decided on a movie and time. H told me he sees his C in the afternoon. That is the first app. he has told me about in months. Seems so positive but I'm still trying to keep expectations low.

He at least wants the feelings that come from being part of a family - Otherwise he'd be off doing something else. It's good that he's talking about his C appts too; Maybe he is taking them more seriously now.

Did your H get you anything for Christmas? I'm curious if he actually involved himself in the whole thing, or if he just played the part for the day.

I got him an I-pod from the Ds. I also got him some cold weather gear for the football games. He seemed to like that. In his stocking I put a movie and a book about bike trails in the state. H picked up bike riding as a hobby this spring. I think he was really happy w/ the book. I haven't always been real happy about the bike riding because he goes for all day ones. Getting him the book was kind of like a 180.

[lizzy]

I'm started feeling down yesterday after seeing my C. She asked if H has found an apt. yet and I said as far as I know he hasn't looked. When she asked me if I have asked him about it I said no because I don't want to push him to do it and I'm afraid of the answer I would get.

I'm so confused because H has been spending so much time w/ us over the last week. I realize it is just so he can be with the Ds and not me. H has made no idication that he wants to spend time alone w/ me. He has however seemed more willing to spend time w/ me w/ Ds so it is a start. I don't know if he is just enjoying family time and thinking that if we get the Big D it will be like this.

Yesterday H had a few hours w/ the Ds and took them to a movie. I went to see my C while they were there then did some shopping. H had to leave but ended up coming back for dinner. When I asked if he would be back for dinner he said yes if he was aloud. I asked why wouldn't you be but he didn't answer. I have never told him since this S began that he couldn't come to the house.

H and I talked about todays plans before he left for the night. I was doing the best I could to get an idea of what he wanted for today so that my plans w/ Ds wouldn't interfere. H told me he had already spent more time w/ the Ds this week than he had expected. Again, I don't know if he thinks I would try to limit the contact.

So here I go starting another day in the land of confusion.

[bhopeful]

I wouldn't worry about why he is spending a lot of time with you and the girls. He may not be ready for alone time with you, but it seems he feels safe with you and the kids. This definitely sounds like a positive step forward. Don't push him for more since you run the risk of pushing him away.

It sounds like you did a good job validating some of his fears. He's afraid that you don't want him around. (Am I allowed for dinner? Spent more time with Ds than expected.) You may have never told him that he wasn't welcome, but you may have shown him through your actions.

I think that you're doing well, so chin up and put a smile on that face. You can do it!

Peace,
B