So frustrating.:( I pushed for a talk last night. "Whats the deal? everyday we get further and further apart. I don't feel you love me. you refuse to show any "hope" that things will get better in the future"." You turn your head when I kiss you.The ILY's ARE long gone. Tell me "What I do? Do I stop trying all together?" I asked her point blank "do you want a divorce"? tell me the Truth"."I don't know, I don't know what I want" "Tell me there is some sort of hope" "I can't" "I am DONE trying, I am done faking".. "Whell I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I can't live with a wife who does not love me and refuses to see there is anything wrong with that. I can't live like roomates. I love you with all my heart and I am willing to do ANYTHING to save our marrige but I can't keep giving my all when you don't see there is any "hope" for a better future. "tell me strait up whats the deal" she just continues to say she is "not in a happy place right now" whell I say, "there are two things going on here. Your unhappiness because of life's stresses and then there is your husband. Who continually gets put on the back burner and feels totaly unwanted, unloved, and frustrated". " You continue to blow off my feelings and switch it arround so it feels like I am not entitled to feel like this because your not in a happy place lately" By the end of the conversation she said "fine I don't want to be married" "Are you happy now? YOU forced me to choose you forced me to decide" "Wait a minute I say, You can't put your decisions on ME. You are responsible for your own decisions. Stop switching it arround and making it feel like this is what I want. I continually hold fast that I want My wife and marrige" " I want a better future" "You just don't seem to care". Round and round we went "I need some glimmer of "hope".. "I can't give you any"
I hate this. the uncertanty about the future. I know we cannot predict the future. But I just need some thing to go on for at least tomorrow. Or even the rest of today...........
