but can y'all clarify something for me? Isn't this pressure for a Wayward spouse? All that heartfelt emotion, isn't that what they are trying to hide from?
I have similar feelings for my wife, but my dbing guidance says "back away". At this point, papers are filed and W is still seeing OM and I am not sending her romantic cards or notes.
My maintaining my distance is not really "working".
So what now?
SirPriz,
I did not have time to read your sitch yet, but...... TO ME DBing is a theory, a guild line. No two sitches are alike. Yes this is mild pursuing. But..... In my sitch I believe My Wife was depressed and unhappy with our marriage. And instead of coming to me and talking about it. (I truly had no clue, I thought it was some menopause thing) she went to her Ex Fu@Ken MARRIED BF. Who has no morals and (I believe) used her. She has not had physical contact with him in 8 + months. When I first found out she was calling him (actually the cheap basterd would call her on a pay phone and have her call him back.) 7-8 times a day. I have not checked the phone records in months but if she is calling him now it has to be after I go to bed. And I don't think he would be standing out in the cold by a phone booth waiting to talk to her. (Heck I wouldn’t) Anyway I don't know your sitch but in mine we have been on an even keel now for about two months. We are too comfortable to move forward so I need to shake things up a bit if I don't want to stay at this level forever. I so don't want to get D but I also want to find someone to share my life with and if she can't do that then I need to be free to find someone who will. I will not have an affair and "pretend to be married". We would be fooling no one but ourselves. Sirpriz, I have gone though the whole smorgasbord of DBing, the crying, the begging, the going dark, the heavy presuming, the "as if" , and the let's be friends. My W is not leaving me. At least not yet. But she is not contributing to our lives more than a room mate. In Fact that was one of the first subject titles I had. "My wife my roommate"
I had a little slip last night, I am not worried about it, she may not have even heard it but she was on the phone with her mom and was talking about MY dog and how it sleeps in the room she sleeps in (Our Sons). And how the dog is a "Bed hog". I replied "It's your choice". Anyway I think she may have been over her moms all day yesterday keeping busy and “thinking things over". She has not been over her mom's for all day as long as I have known her. Her mom is not doing to well right now but she is improving. And like I said she did come home in a good mood so we will see.
Later Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
