Lo-o-o-ong post; please bear with me here

[still hopeful]

Good morning all. Many of you will point out that I am a co-dependent. I know. I am working to rectify that.

I started posting on this site back in February 2006 due to my ill-advised decision to seek what I felt I was missing from my marriage in the arms of a woman other than my W. W found out about my A and immediately wanted a D. I understand that the hurt that I caused was/is devastating, and I apologized profusely, promised this would never happen again, worked diligently on improving me, held out hope for forgiveness, and worked to reconcile our M alone.

To make a really long story somewhat shorter, we separated in February 2006, and our D was final in July 2007. From the time of S til now, W had 3 different BFs and all of that was difficult to watch because she was allowing herself to be hurt and worse, subjecting our 2 children (ages 2 & 7 now) to these men.

During her time with BF #2 and #3, when she would have a fight with them and be 'done', she would call on me and not being very good at DBing, I'd come to her 'emotional rescue' like a big dummy. In all honesty, I don't know what being more distant would have accomplished, but I do know that doing it my way ended in my D.

With the last BF, someone she knew 15 years ago in HS, she got involved with him and he went to jail for 5 months. She later told me that they were just casually seeing e/o b4 he went in but their R became serious while he was inside jail. I joked with her during his stint that if I had known that the way to solidify a R with her was to 'do some time', I would have busted her in the mouth on the altar. Seriously though, two things: (1) yes, I do realize that I was the one who had an affair; and (2) I would never and have never raised my hand to her in anger.

Sorry for the side bar. Back to my sitch.

While BF3 was in jail, XW (W at the time) moved all of his stuff into her place where she lives with my children half time, all the while saying she didn't know what she was going to do with BF3's stuff when he got out of jail. Ri-i-i-i-ight!! I knew what she was going to do, she bailed him out and moved him in! I told her that I refused to go to her place with BF3 there. I didn't want to see him because I had had a close call of an altercation in January 2007 with him (right before he went to jail) and didn't want to rely on her to tell the truth when our next altercation really did become physical.

Next, according to her, after all of their jail mail love letters and his promises to change, she quickly figured out that he was full of it and had no intention (or ability?) to change. He lived there with them for about 6 weeks and the second domestic violence incident in consecutive weekends occurred with my children at the residence. A 911 call was made and BF3 was arrested.

Subsequently, XW went to jail to see him! Unbelievable! Anyway, he gets out within a few weeks and all charges have been dropped. I asked her to file a restraining order and she wouldn't, not even for the children. She insisted that BF3 would NEVER harm our children and I snapped back that you would have NEVER thought he would have been violent with you before he did, correct? You have NO idea what that little troll may do next. I was pissed.

FF, she starts seeing him again and visiting his family (on the sly; oh, she's so sneaky ). At this point he is living with his brother. Over time, BF3 starts coming over more and more (invited I am sure) and refusing to leave when asked to do so. And, you guessed it...I was asked to come over on a Sunday in October 2006 and ask him to get out because he wouldn't leave despite her requests for him to do so. I did so (yes, like a dummy). Then, on that same Wednesday, XW said BF3 would not leave her house and she wanted to go home and not see him there. I went over again (yes, I know) and asked him to leave.

THEN, two days later on Friday in the AM, I was calling XW and I couldn't reach her. I called her house and BF3 answered the phone. Mind you, two days prior I had to go to XW's place to get him out and now he's back in her house alone. I was pissed and called XW on her cell phone again. This time she answered. The conversation went like this:

me: who is at your house right now?
her: <stammering> wha, wha, how, how do you know?
me: how is irrelevant. do me a favor and stop calling me to save you. clearly you don't want to be saved.
her: <again stammering> wait, wait (trying to explain)
me: we'll just swap our children and leave it at that.

The next day, Saturday, I am home doing my laundry at midnight (yeah, I am a real live-wire, huh?!) and I get a call from XW.

her: what are you doing?
me: nothing. what do you want?
her: are you busy? are you alone?
me: what's going on?
her: can you come over?
me: are you hurt?
her: I just need you to come over. can you come over right now? (my children are there)

I tell her I am on my way in 5 minutes. When I get there, there are two sheriff's cars in the driveway and I find out that two other sheriff's cars had previously already left. One of the officers was the same from XW's June call regarding domestic violence, and this one was for DV as well. THAT officer was not happy with her choices. Nor was I.

XW and my two year old were at the home and were physically fine, but XW was terrorized by BF3 verbally, psychologically and physically. Sad thing is, that's why organizations like W.E.A.V.E. exist, to help physically and emotionally battered; even those who put themselves and their loved ones in harm's way. Luckily, my D7 was at her girlfriend's house spending the night. Unfortunately, both of my children were home for the June incident with BF3.

Anyway, this time she filed the restraining order at the behest of the sheriff's deputy. And that brings us into November 2007.

More of my saga to follow soon, and trust me, there's LOTS more 'stuff' . I need to give you all background information on me and my sitch so that hopefully some of you will be able to help me through the stormy waters in which I find myself treading.