is he too young for MLC?

[WAS32]

My whole day and night was really weird. H went to his C and mine was at the same time so he texted me to see if I wanted to go shopping after. I said okay. My C appointment was good and I felt better after I left. So H and I went shopping and I was really quiet because i had lots on my brain with things C had said. He kept asking me what's wrong? I told him nothing, just had things I was thinking about. The whole time he is hugging me and kissing me and being all lovey. After shopping we came back to my house because it was S8 concert. H took a nap and I just watched TV. He always seems to sleep when he is here. says he can't sleep lately. Anyways, went to concert together and then out for dinner with his parents. I thought he would be leaving as soon as we got the kids to bed because he had a X-mas party with his bowling crowd. But he stayed all night. He was so affectionate. Threw me for a loop. Then he says did you get my email? I told him no I hadn't checked it lately. He tells me that he checks his at least 3 times a day to see if I have written him again. And his email said i really miss your letters. I am so confused with him right now. I guess i just take this one day at a time.

[WAS32]

I just don't know what to do with him. Yesterday he makes a plan with me to go shopping if D4 can go to grandparents for the night. So I make the arrangments for her, get ready to go and wait. He texted me about 6:40 asking what I'm doing? He's still an hour away waiting for food. I tell him it's too late to go because by the time he eats and gets here it will be late. So he tells me we will go today. I am upset by this and tell him so but I am going to go shopping by myself and I will talk to him later. He ends up showing up at the store I am at 2 and a half hours later. So we shopped for a bit and then he came back home with me. We had a nice night together and I woke up in a pretty good mood. That was until I checked my phone and found a text on there from a mutual friend telling me she was going to be at a concert with my H in January and wanted me to know because there are friends and my H is friends with her bro. They will be all going together.

So I question H on this because he knew I was going and he told me he wasn't able to get tickets. Of course he says to me that it was my X-mas gift but my other friend who got me my ticket screwed it up for me so he sold my ticket. He is keeping secrets again. i don't know why but he is. Yah I know it was suppose to be a surprise but why didn't he tell me when he found out I was going? Why hide it from me. And also, I don't think he really intended for me to go with him. He was trying to make me feel guilty for going with my friend. The whole thing is just crazy. I feel somedays he is trying to make me jealous and unstable. I am so friggin' confused right now.

Sorry so long today but this whole thing is weird.

[WAS32]

Well here we go again. he dropped the bomb this morning. He is just faking it until after X-mas and then he wants our M over. What a bunch of BS this is. I don't know how he can do this. One minute he is all over me and the next he is telling me we're over. We've done this before and he says we end up in the same rutt everytime. So he wants this to be done. I am completely numb. i can't cry and I can't get mad I can't be happy I am just numb. i don't even know what to say to him right now. He is still here and plans on being here until boxing day. I don't know if I can do this. I feel so lost right now. I could use some sort of help here. I don't know what to do. Please someone with any advice, help.

[mrarow]

Hang in there Sara!! Db all the way if you want his love back. Stop letting him have you when he wants. He needs to miss you and does not deserve you. Men are stupid! They don't realise what they have till its taken away in my opinion for what its worth. He is being very complacent and doing whatever he wants it seems. Just try and work on you!!! Talk to you soon......

[SirPrizeMe]

right on, mrarow!

Stop letting him have you whenever he wants! Value yourself more highly, show him how much you value yourself.

Men are stupid! They don't realise what they have till its taken away in my opinion for what its worth.

Um.... (defensive) Lots of people behave this way. I did. My wife did, too. It's not only MEN.

[WAS32]

Well I have really done it this time. I pushed and he pushed back and now he is gone. It's xmas eve and he went back to his He tells me he's faking it until it's over and I am suppose to just sit back and take it. He's all huggy and lovey and I am suppose to take that [censored]. I'm sorry but this is not okay with me. Don't play with my emotions and expect me to do nothing. He wants his cake and eat it too. I am not that strong. I have tried to be but I just can't do it. Last night we are having sex and today when I told him to do some things with the kids without me he couldn't. He wanted to do it as a family. He wanted to spend the time together.

So when we were putting the presents under the tree and I said you're gonna miss this next year he got mad. He says how do you know I'm gonna miss this? I know, not very good DBing, but I was feeling it so it came out of my mouth. We had a fight and he left. Nothing I can do about it now. He will yhink I ruined xmas and it is all my fault. I get that. But I am only human and can only take so much. So I messed up. But this all started because I snooped. I found some text from a friend of ours that made it look like he is trying to sleep with her and me and I couldn't let it go. I know better. I usually don't snoop but for some reason I did and this is the price I pay for it. I know I am at fault. Sometimes you just gotta know what you are dealing with. And i can't fake it like him. I just dont know how yet.

So I don't know what I am gonna tell the kids in the morning but I guess I willlearn the whole fake it thing real quick. i am such a failure at this . i love him but I just can't be used like this anymore.

[mrarow]

So sorry things are so bad this time of year!! Merry Christmas for what its worth.... Hope you have a good morning and day with the kids. I will have to try and keep it together as well but as you will see form my thread and post i am not doing well at this this stuff this time of year. Hang in there......

[WAS32]

Now he is trying to make me feel guilty because he wasn't here today. Well i told him that I wasn't taking on anymore guilt from him. I got a very nasty text back. I am not going to take his guilt on anymore. I am always saying I am sorry to him for stuff he starts. He wants this marriage over so bad then he can do the work for it. It is time for me to stay away from him for awhile. His C even told him that living somewhere else is just a distraction and he is on a mini vacation all the time. He is not capable of making proper decisions for himself until he can focus on himself. I think he has a lot of guilt about this whole sitch and is trying to project it on to me. I have made my mistakes in our M and I have admitted it or apologized for them. I need to work on me now. If I let him put this all on me I will end up more depressed than him. I know this is all over the place but that is how my head is working right now. I don't want my M over, I still really love him. I just need to figure out what is going to work and start doing that. So no more sleep overs and no more playing into his deprssion. he needs to work this out in his head.

[mrarow]

Sounds very good!! I think that may work well for you. Have a good day and enjoy your kids today they need you.

[WAS32]

I am very surprised at myself right now. H has been texting abd we had a brief convo and I am not mad. This is not my usual reaction to his behavior. But these last few weeks I haven't gotten mad at all. I have been very calm. Maybe some of the things coming out of my mouth were not quite right but I have not gone of the deep end with him. Even after not spending x-mas with him.

Today he texted me and wanted to send me an email. Which he changed his mind on. So I told him that was fine to do what makes him happy. He thought I was being sarcastic. I told him I wasn't and it was up to him what he did. So I got no email but I think I confused him because I didn't beg for it. he wanted to tell me everything face to face. i didn't bite. We don't talk when we are together we just end up in bed. So I didn't push him coming here. And yes I know I should talk R with him when he wants to but I know better. He would get here and there would be no talking. He is lonely and misses his family but much to stubborn to try to fix this right now. So I am backing off and not going to let him cake eat. I think I have been doing that all along and it is not helping. He needs to really miss me. It is going to have to really hurt for him to want to work this out. All of this back and forth stuff is not helping us at all. We are good together and HE needs to remember that. i can't make him, he has to do it on his own. This may not be very good DBing but I can't imagine that you need to be so used and abused all the time either. I still validated his feelings and I still talked to him, I just can't let him use me like a revolving door.