Going thru the Big D - Aggressive or Not Aggressiv

[rogerrespondent]

Thank you for listening. Here are the answers
#1. Before she confided in me she would have to be able to know that whatever it was she told me would not be used against her in court and I won't confide anything in her until I can be sure of the same. Her birthday is Dec 22 and about 2 1/2 weeks ago we were chatting at her place when I went over to pick up the cat from her having two weeks of cat visitation. and I told her that since neither one of us has much going on from xmas thru Jan 3rd or so that I wanted to go to Mexico and grab some sunshine and relax and asked her if she wanted to go ...on me and I said what we both needed was to go away ...without anyone else we know within 1000 miles of us and get some sun during the couple of hours each day that we would not be in bed and then after trying that for 7 days if we didn't begin to feel reconnected then we could just go into the courthouse and file a joint petition and call it a marriage. She said it sounded good to her. I told her to think about it over night but whatever she decided she wanted to do ...I would like the whole thing to stay between us so we could keep those lines of communication open. She agreed the next morning I received an email from her attorney asking me what the source of funds for the trip I had proposed was going to be. I said .."What trip?" she apologized for having betrayed our agreement .
#2 I will know it when she wants to do something with me and offers to pay ...I will know it when she doesn't offer to do something where she expects me to abandon some valid claim I have on our money. I will also know it when she cries or shows some sign of deeper emotional feeling about losing me and not losing 1/2 savings or 1/2 of the cat time.
#3 The dinner invite or party invite or any invite may not happen while the bigger financial issues are still looming ahead. The first sign will be her making some sort of affirmative gesture towards me that has no immediate payoff for her.
#4 Tonight was a good kiss more than you would use to kiss your mother but not one that would you breathless or that you could build on ...she initiated sex on our anniversary (august 31st) I think she initiate sex if I bought her something nice like a piece of jewelry or something or right now I believe she is operating under the 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer" theory of divorce the reason she changed her mind on Mexico she said was because she thought it was a trick I was playing and if we went down there then there would be no way for her to come back not feeling connected to me again and did not want to risk that it i would come back and then continue to be the aggressor in court if she decided that she still wanted to get divorced...I do not argue with her pretzel logic anymore I just agree that she is entitled to feel anyway she wants.
#5 I could probably manipulate her into having sex with me somehow now but for her to initiate it or to encourage it could take the rest of my life but probably 8-10 dates with nothing happening in court. I suggested to her that the fact that their had been a petition for divorce filed that we were sure making alot of decisions because of it and possibly not for the right reasons. I told her we had a year to finish the divorce and since this was a big big decision we were making shouldn't we at least take a month or two or three off from getting divorced since the court would give us up to a year without having to dismiss the case and start over to make sure we weren't making a mistake...and she showed no interest in that ...she thinks its all me trying to stall everything until she is weak at which time I try to slam dunk her.
#6 I sent her a text message asking her if she had eaten yet ...she responded that she had not and I asked if she wanted to check out this new restaurant and she said yes. hope that helps