See I think he really needs to get into counseling! Do you know my head strong husband didn't get into counseling. Still hope he does. But he did go to the doctor and get something for his depression/nerves. Which is huge for him.
Because to like you it wasn't so much I was running although he could make me think that. If you are like me your a face value kind of person. Your an involved mom, and you work. Women like us are caring and loving. We would bend over backwards if we were needed. But hell LWB that person HAS to come to us and say something. Not act as if!! Then give us the blame for the way they were feeling. Dang communication is so important in a marriage. Then when the person who wasn't communicating doesn't, then wants to blame us. UGH! It makes you want to scream. So sure you could have maybe done things differently if you would have known. But he also should have opened his mouth. I am sure you were working hard trying to support your family. Don't let him make you think you abandoned him. You were busting your azz to put food on the table.
It's kind of like this...when my kid's need something they tell me. If they had a bad day they vent to me or tell me. If something made them sad they come to me for a hug and a cup of cocoa and we talk. This is what I mean about face value. I can be there because I am aware. They tell me. Oh how life would be so much easier if all adults could have the innocent nature of children.
what made your H realize this? What did you do in the meantime. How did you relate to him? What did you do?
thanks, TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
See I think he really needs to get into counseling!
You and me both sister!!!
And you are right, it wasn't running, per say. I wasn't saying "Oh I have to avoid H, he is depressed". I was more thinking "Maybe if we have more money, he'll worry less. Or maybe if I try to cheer him up with the girls, he'll have a good day". And I do admit to him, that yes, some days I couldn't wait to go to work. The girls were sooo clingy to me (H was hands off when I was home during the day), H was depressed, and to have that release and come to work felt good at times. I knew I *had* to work, so I never had that guilt of "Should I stay home or work?" Make sense?
He should have totally opened his mouth more. I know he kept quiet to keep the peace, but it wasn't fair to any of us!
I thought he was proud, he was resentful. He did most of the housework to help me, but he became resentful, no matter how much I thanked him. He went out, wanting me to go with him, but never asked because he knew how tired I was.... You get the picture...I wish, SO wish, he would have grabbed my shoulders and said "We are sinking here, wake up!". Sigh....
