If I Could Change The World...

[LL44]

I wanted time at work to read and respond to this, because I think our spouses are on the same page with their feelings for us.

I know Christmas was hard for us because we were all off together in the same house. It felt very stifled to me as well, and I can only imagine H's annoyance with me. You know, me just being there and breathing and all that.

She cannot trust me

H has said this so many times to me. Thinks I am going to do all sorts of things to him. Thinks I am seeing someone. Its very tiring to deny these things, so I do it once (deny it) then leave it alone. It makes me furious when H says he can't trust me. Makes no sense....

How do you affirm your WAS' feelings in the DB way when their feelings are so outrageous and hurtful? One cannot rationalize with this insane talk, nor can one affirm it in any way, and yet it begs for a response

Oh I wish I knew!!! They won't listen when you defend yourself (with the truth!), but expect you to constantly engage in talks about your shortcomings, how you make THEM feel... I totally agree, its like they want some sort of response, but I have no idea what that response should be. I suppose you are on the right path with "I am so sorry you feel that way". There really is nothing else to say. I, for one, am so tired of hearing what a horrible selfish person I am.

In the past I would have to agree with her, because I really did have a problem with listening and comprehending what she was saying during the depths of my depression. But that is no longer the case.

Either she is so far gone that she wouldn't see any change that you have made, or she is scared, and *won't* see it. And don't knock yourself, a lack of communication is not a justification for an affair.

I am just so devastated that she continues to have this animosity and contempt for me

Its heartbreaking, isn't it? It can bring me to tears. I am sorry you feel this pain too.

Folks, today I am finally facing just how wide the gulf between W and I really is -- and how little progress we have made. We are so far from even being able to co-parent our S's effectively, divorced or not, I am beginning to lose hope.

Don't lose hope. This is ok. These talks are getting things off her chest. Co-parenting will get easier when emotions aren't running so high and detachment occurs (I can only pray!).

Here's my thing. Why does she think some piece of paper will make her feel so much better? What is the difference between now and the piece of paper? It will not make her any happier or at peace, she just thinks this. Are you still having issues with the SA or are you prepared to sign? I say sign if its ok with you and your atty.