I think you made such a good decision. I know everyone here wants their M to work and some day your W may make the changes she needs, but there is only a certain amount of damage that you can allow yourself to take. It may take a divorce to make her realize what she really lost.
Everyone thinks this is the best decision. I’m having a very hard going through with it though. I have never been a quitter, which is how I’ve gotten through life. I was never the smartest guy in class, but I could always out work or out hustle the next guy. I wouldn’t even say it feels so much like I am losing as it feels more like I am giving up on W. Which to me, another part of me that I could loosen up on, is I always keep my promises. I don’t say I’m going to do something unless it can be down. I’m a huge believer in the under promise over deliver. I just feel like I’m giving up on her, and going against the promises I made that day at the alter. Sort of tough.
Originally Posted By: ann25
I have had a lot of issue with my dad in the past, so i know how devistating those can be to a woman, but until she makes the decision to work on that herself, there is nothing you will be able to do to "prove" that you aren't going to be like her dad.
I have fought that battle from the first day I meet her. It was horrible, my MIL when they were growing up would put pictures of him on the fridge and right “Captain Evil” on it. So every time they wanted something to eat, they saw it. Can’t even imagine what that does to a kids psyche. Just last X-mas my FIL called to my MIL’s house to talk to the “kids” and my MIL went and cried in her room for over 3 hours. It has been 15-20 years, get over it. But W has always been worried I would abandon her, and looking back I really did in a way. I went to school so much, then once school was done, she worked late and by the time she got home I usually had a few in me and didn’t know how to listen to a women talk. Add to that a new child these last 3 years and I can see her point of view.
Originally Posted By: ann25
I think right now, as much as she may say she thinks you'll leave her (needs to be the victim) and she wants to "find herself" (needs space and time) that she is kinda enjoying the power that comes with controlling you. I don't mean to say anything bad about her, but she's probably spent some time feeling very out of control and up til now, she's had control of you (in a way) because you are still around waiting letting her play her little games. If anything you do is going to affect her changing, i think it may be taking back some of the control of the situation.
This one is difficult, your completely right. But it has also been one of my 180’s to follow and maybe I shouldn’t have. I realized early on how vacant and distant I was towards her. So I tried to be there for her and be a rock, well I don’t think I ever produced the rock so much as I did the door mat. She has taken full advantage of that and I have seen it, but I kept doing it and at times I felt like I was running down a cheesless tunnel, others I felt like I saw some baby steps.
