W still angry with me, but the intensity lessens

[Lanzo]

Hey All,

Massive breakthrough, step forward, not quite sure what to call it.

Christmas was going well or so I thought, apparently there were a couple of things which irritated W so much that it prompted her to start R talks with me. As usual she leaves me to do most of the talking, it's hard to listen and validate someone who wants to do the listening. But anyway in our talks here are some of the things she has brought out.

She felt insulted by the Xmas present I brought her from D6, a small box of chocolates shows absolutely no forethought on my part, I agreed with her and said my judgment was clouded by her recent PA. She said at the end of the day she was D6 mom and I should respect that fact.

She feels my mom doesn't like her and she doesn't like my mom, and she didn't like to have to put up with her overnight.

W feels absolutely violated by the fact that I snooped through her mobile phone, and she believes this will always be a factor in out R. I said yes it would be unless she reassures me that there is no OM and she is committed 100% to the possibility of working on the M.

She felt angry that I accused her of a PA with OM, she said up to that point there was no PA but once I moved out she said she had nothing to lose and went for it. ( W doesn't understand the concept of an EA)

She felt angry that I moved out in the first place, and when I came back she was expecting me to start R talks, make demands on her, or even threaten to pack her bags and throw her out. Then she said if I had tried to throw her out she wouldn't have gone. I told her that's why I didn't throw her out. ( W doesn't understand the concept of DB).

Me for my part told W that this M is over, but we have the chance to piece together something new if she wanted to, but if we do that, we would have to do things differently, because if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting. (this made her laugh). I also said if we tried to work on the M we would have to do so with the help of C, she didn't reject this suggestion which is good. In the past she has said f'ing no way to counselling.

We touched on the lack of sex in our M and her need to turn to OM but we didn't get to the deeper issues.

I asked W could I return to the main bedroom. At first she said she didn't know, then she asked did I want to return. I said I always wanted to return, but I wouldn't do so with out her permission. W said I can return to the main bedroom.

R talks are paused for now. Phew !!