I Was Almost A WAW....Still (Next Thread)

[sandi2]

Lillieperl, What I meant regarding the paycheck was in the early years of our marriage when I wasn't working and stayimg home with the kids. I was use to seeing my father and grandfather hand over their checks to the w's to buy groceries and pay the bills, so I thought that was what I was suppose to do, but it didn't work out that way. When I started working, he still bought the groceries....at his insistance. We had to get separate checking accounts later b/c he kept it messed up when we tried to have joint accounts and I never knew what checks he had written b/c he would not post them. I tried to get him to agree to let me buy the groceries and him pay for what I was paying for, but he did said NO to that fast! Like I said in the previous post, I do buy some groceries sometime, but I can't buy all of them and pay for the other expenses that I do. He is not disciplined enough to have an account just for housing expenses b/c that reqires living on somewhat of a budget. Sorry to say that, but it's the way it is. But, if the man is not disciplined enough to do his taxes and pay his bills on time or finish a job he starts around the house.....why would you think he could work a joint expense account? (lol) He would be dipping out of it constantly for something else. That old saying of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul is what he lives by anyway.

I am very independent and it has been extremely hard for me to deal with this over these years. I know I do sound old fashion from most of you, but you have to realize that I probably grew up in a different era than most of you. Can't remember your ages, but it doesn't matter......a lot has to do with the way we are raised and in my home the man was the head of the house.....which isn't always easy for me either....lol. When I wasn't working, I hated asking him for money, and he always wanted to know what I needed it for. It made me feel more like I was his little girl than his wife!

I have tried to sit back and just accept his junk and other habits that annoy me, but it just gets worse. How can I keep letting it pile up, especially now that the city has gotten involved? I know to some it sounds easy enough to say that I just need to accept him the way he is and stop worrying about it.....but I hate the junk and the mess and the embarrasement, and I don't think I can just keep on keeping on living like that. Besides, if he does continue to get worse as he gets older......what in the world am I going to do then? I am embarrased to have people come over to our house.....it's that bad!

Now, mind you, I don't pretend to be the fanatic housekeeper my mother is......, but, I don't like mess and I don't like filth. I don't like my place looking like trashy people live there. I've often wondered what my mother would have done if my dad had been turned like my H, b/c he was neat like Mother. So, I asked her one day what she would do if she were in my shoes and she just shook her head and said she probably would have either left him or committed murder by now...and then she laughed a little, but then said seriously that she didn't have a clue what she would do under the same circumstances.

Maybe nobody knows what to tell me. Maybe you are right and he is too set in his ways. Oh, God help me!

P.S. Oh, I don't think it makes me "righteous" at all.....it just makes me bitchy!