Yesterday was about as heartbreaking (and telling) as I expected. He came over the night before so he could wake up with everyone. So, the next morning the kids got up and all excited because Santa came and filled their stockings. So, we get up and EVERYONE gets down their stockings, execpt me. They all unwrap and get excited. Then D4 tells me. "Mommy, look in you stocking. See what Santa got you! Get your stocking down mommy, let's see what you got". I looked at h for help, and he said, "mommy will look in her stocking later." I wanted to cry. For 34 years, I've had stocking gifts, first from my mom (Santa), then from h. I know it sounds childish, but I'm crying right now.
Then, we start breakfast and h gets all mad at me, because I didn't mop the floors the night before, and we're expecting family in 1hr. I don't want to go into all the details of the arguement, but it didn't make for a happy Christmas morning. Reality set in for me...Christmas morning, with 2 excited children, there can't be love and happiness in our home.
I don't think he talked to me for the rest of the day, and he didn't come with us to my dad's for dinner.

He send me an email about 3 days before saying how much he loved me, and wanted our marriage to work. He wants to be able to love me, etc...
I want so much to believe him, but he doesn't show me love, and I don't want to live like this, or display this to my kids.

Before he left yesterday he hugged the kids, and D4 asked him, "Daddy, why don't you live with us anymore?" \:\( That's the first time she's acknowledged the sep. Merry Chirtmas...

Me 36
Husband 35
D5
S2
separated:
10/29/07-present
Served divorce papers 1/22/09
"When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."